Celibate priests

Very busy weekend for me, I attended a seminar on Parenting. It was quite interesting and the speaker was very passionate about his standards for the family.

The seminar discussed a few rules towards raising good children and having a good home. I must say that the speaker hit a good number of acceptable points. But there were issues he raised and I said in my mind, “No I don’t want my boys to be that way”. I am a bit old school when it comes to husband and wife relationships.

He talked about men doing certain things at home, like cooking, mopping etc, the children will learn by seeing. True, I totally agree.  If my husband could cook and decides he wants to cook for me, fine, it shouldn’t be a shared duty. Cooking is the wife’s duty, if you the woman cannot cook; please find a way to take care of your mess. The kitchen is your business.  For the house chores, a man who decides to do house chores just because he cannot stay in a dirty environment totally rocks. The only problem is that he is married to a dirty woman. Why will a wife stay and watch the man do the house chores? Just picture this, she is lying down or watching a programme on television and he is mopping the floor. Some wives even raise their legs for the husband to sweep under where they are sitting. If the husband decides to help because there is no domestic staff and the chores are too many for one person, then that is a better deal. Yes I say help, because it is the wife’s duty to keep her home clean. If she is pregnant, sick or genuinely tired that is understandable.

I am not a feminist; I don’t even pretend to be one. I belong to the era, where the man worked hard to provide everything for his family. Before he gets back from work, the wife would have prepared dinner and she serves him once he gets out of the shower. While he eats, they discuss the events of the day and plan for the future. I particularly like the one where the wife waits for the man so they can both eat together. I tried it, but it didn’t work, I really cannot stay hungry that long.

The speaker said he baby sits and does not expect a “Thank you” because he did it for his child. No problem, but your wife saying thank you shows that she appreciates you. I am not for equality in marriage, nope, someone has a higher authority and it is the man. To me, the husband provides security, he pays all the bills; he ensures that everything works in the house, the pumping machine, the cable TV, generator and all those hard things. He gives the wife money for the upkeep of the house which includes food, house chores, laundry, ironing and other things as agreed. Then the wife engages those who provide such services.

There are things I will not do though; I will not start the generator when my husband is at home except I am standing by the generator when the power goes off. If there is no security man to do it, then it is the man’s duty. Another thing I hate to do is to be the one who goes round after everyone has gone to bed to ensure everywhere is properly locked. I do it sometimes because I care about my children’s safety.

A typical home for me is one where the husband provides every single thing, comfort and money. The wife even though she works saves her money for the family to fall back on in the possible event of any misfortune. In return for providing all that the family needs, the wife treats the husband like a king; she must ensure that the husband comes home to a clean house and good food. She runs the home with the money provided by the husband. However she wants to do it, He must have clean underwear and clothes to put on each time.

A man should be allowed to be a man, when your car breaks down on the road, call him even if he is out of town, when you have a flat tyre and there is no vulcaniser in sight, call him, when the police arrests you for a traffic offence, call him, when you get into a fight, call him, when you cannot change the bulb, call him but do not reduce him to a casual guy just because he loves you. I hate it when men love sheepishly.

The clause here is that if the tables turn around and the wife becomes the chief income earner, then the husband has to adjust a bit. The woman cannot provide the money and still run all the domestics of the home. It is at this point that the husband has to eat humble pie and help with some of the house chores, i.e. if there is no domestic staff.

I pity men who the tables have turned around on; women are not built to be breadwinners. A stranger, who comes into a home where the woman is in charge financially, decodes this immediately from the woman’s attitude. A friend once asked me why I needed my husband’s permission to travel, and I told her it was because he bought the tickets. She laughed and told me that all she needed to do was buy her ticket and notify her husband that she would be travelling on a particular day. I pity such men who have been reduced to mere figure heads in their families.

A few women who are mainly found in the MSW category know how to hold it down when the tables turn. These ones still run things in partnership with the husbands. They ensure that the dignity of the husband is upheld. Nothing hurts a good man as much as his inability to provide for his family. I say a good man because some men are just USELESS. From the get go, they provide nada for the family and they don’t even care. They never have enough yet they spend the little they have on frivolities. These ones don’t qualify to be treated as kings. They should be made to wash plates and pots.

I am raising boys who will provide for their families, they are well domesticated too. I want them to be well grounded, know how to cook and do house chores; wash cars, change tyres and all but they will not be any woman’s slave. They will do house chores because they want to, because they were raised to keep their environments clean or stand in for a wife who is indisposed (in the absence of a house keeper) and not because one lazy wife who was not properly raised wants to share the house chores.

I pray that they fall in love with the right women and the ones who will not; I pray that God will take them to work in his vineyard as celibate priests.