Marriagelessness

Stella’s story ended well and we are happy for her. But what is the story of other Mature Single Women (MSW)? Our society makes it tough for this group of citizens. A woman is valued by her ability to settle down with a man. It is even worse when the woman is very beautiful, it is either she is considered snobbish or too choosy. Who even says it is wrong for a woman to be selective of the kind of man she wants to settle down with? In the remote areas, a beautiful young lady who is not married is branded evil; she is considered to have a spirit husband who chases away potential husbands and she may be made to go through certain rituals to appease her spirit husband. In other cases, parents, especially the mothers visit one church, one spiritual home or the other in search of solutions to their daughters’ “marriagelessness”

One question I have often asked is this; “Why will you bother a forty year old woman about marriage but not a forty year old man?” Sometimes, I think to myself that life is more favourable to the men. Some forty plus women have the mindset that if ever marriage comes, it would be with a divorcee or a widower or a single baby daddy. They never believe that a young man who has never been married or had children will find them appealing enough to marry them. On the other hand, a forty plus man who has been married  before may suddenly decide he wants to marry a twenty year old virgin. In some cases, they find such category of women to marry. I’m usually happy when the young ladies realise that they are with a man who will grow old while they are at their peak in life, and then they start to fight for their freedom from such marriages. I hear these stories and I chuckle happily. (I know I sound wicked right now).

A guy I once met told me that he wanted a wife, I was happy to introduce my forty plus friend to him because I knew his siblings very well, the first question he asked me was how old she was. I immediately started stammering when I saw the look on his face. I took away five years from my friend’s age and said thirty seven. Looking at the expression on his face, you would have thought that I said the unthinkable “Nah, she is too old; I want someone young enough to give me a baby immediately”. He said that if he had waited this long to get married, that he wanted to start having babies immediately. I couldn’t believe that this man who was a few years from sixty had the temerity to say that my beautiful friend was too old for him to marry.

Now, this guy is fifty two, (he looks good for his age though) he eventually finds a twenty two year old girl, marries her and they have their first child a year later. When he is sixty, his first child is seven years old, his wife is twenty nine, in eleven years, she is forty and we know what they say about women when they hit forty. Their libido is on the high, they want it morning, day and night. I am hitting forty in a few weeks; I am yet to catch any of the symptoms though. I am waiting eagerly. Now, back to my calculations, when this guy’s wife is forty, he will be seventy. What are the chances that he will catch up with her pace behind closed doors? This is why some men are lonely in old age.

Men just don’t get it; getting married to a Mature Single Woman (MSW) is like going to a mango tree and plucking the ripe one. What do you get? Sweetness and satisfaction. When you pluck an unripe mango and eat it, the sides of your mouth itch you all day. However, some mangoes appear small, but are ripe and these are the very young ladies with mature minds that give exactly what the MSW will give you.

My point is this; our Mature Single Women are ladies who in the eyes of the society should have been married but are not.  The public wants to see them looking sad and dejected all the time.  We are so critical of them, and this starts from the immediate family. As a parent, what do you say to your daughter, Remember Stella’s father?

When these women are successful, we say that they sleep with all the rich men in town. When they live their lives to the fullest, we say that they are shameless and do not care. When they mind their business, we call them frigid.  We expect them to settle with the first man that comes close to them, whether such men meet their expectations or not. Another thing that we do not even consider is that some women may have made up their minds not to marry. I know two like that, one is celibate, and the other simply enjoys her independence.

In the real sense of it, Mature Single Women (MSW) are powerful, independent, strong willed, focused, smart, intelligent and successful. It takes only a special kind of man to approach one.