Who could have thought?

Following the infamous incident that happened on the third mainland bridge, the reality that a lot of people suffer from depression in Nigeria is even more glaring. The only problem is that we don’t take this issue seriously, there is always a family member who acts strangely and we just give it a cute name. Weird, Different, Unique, Recluse etc. The positive side to this unfortunate incident is that a lot of people have realised that this could be them and are seeking help medically. Besides, drowning should not be an option for suicide; rat poison mixed into 3 bottles of stout will do just fine. Don’t mean to make light a serious situation but it’s too depressing and I always like to make a joke of every serious situation. Suicide is terrible and a No No. Hope it doesn’t happen again soon.

Sharing this story is part of someone’s healing process from depression. Her name is Amah, she is forty five years old and here is her story; (Fictitious names have been used for protect the privacy of the parties in the story)

Twenty five years ago on the day of her elder sister’s wedding, Amah met one of her brothers in law for the first time. What she noticed about him was that he was all over the place ensuring that everything went on smoothly. He did not sit down for a moment to enjoy the occasion. When it was time to leave the reception, he offered to drive her and some other cousins to her sister’s new home where they passed the night.

She spent a week with her sister and then went back to school. It was during the Christmas holiday that year that her sister Titi told Amah that her husband’s younger brother wanted her hand in marriage; their mother was there and seemed to be aware of the information. She did not understand what they were saying. It turned out to be the same brother in law who drove her home on the day of the wedding. Is that how it is done? Someone she had never said a word to. Amah struggled to remember how he looked and couldn’t quite place his face until the day of the introduction. Her mother and elder sister did not give her a chance to even think, they took that decision for her and her father concurred. According to Amah, her father agrees to anything her mother says.

Amah got married to this much older guy, Joe, she was terrified at first but he tried his best to make her comfortable. He was the first and only man she had ever known. She got pregnant in quick successions and gave him six healthy children. It was while being married to him that Amah realised that her husband, Joe was extremely rich. He had businesses all over the country. Amah was naïve initially and did not understand why everyone around her accorded her so much respect. She was the “Chairman’s wife”.

In her new home, everything was bought in bulk and this was totally strange to Amah. She comes from an average family where things were bought only when they were needed. Buying a whole cow and dedicating a freezer to it was odd, somehow looked like a ritual to her, she never believed that one family would kill a cow and keep all to themselves. Every food stuff was bought in bags or cartons or sacs, down to common crayfish. Amah managed to get into that kind of life but with a difference, she started to send a lot of things, food stuff, and provisions to members of staff in her husband’s business. They appreciated the gesture and she soon became very popular among them.  

Her husband thought it was laudable when he discovered that his wife had become Santa Claus.

This made Amah realise that her husband was quite a charitable person. She also discovered that he had over one hundred young relatives and non-relatives who benefitted from his informal scholarship scheme. He paid all their school fees and upkeep. Joe wasn’t bad after all and so Amah learnt to relax and enjoy her marriage. Joe showed his wife and children so much love and made sure they got the best of everything. He flew them business or first class to various destinations around the world on holidays. Joe was so generous that sometimes Amah took her siblings with her on a holiday and Joe foot the bills without thinking twice. Amah’s sister Titi never failed to remind Amah that she should be thankful to her for forcing her into such a rewarding marriage.

Everything was perfect until Amah started to notice some changes in her husband. He would usually come home in the afternoon (his office was close-by) to have lunch with her but he stopped doing it. Sometimes, he would just pick up his suitcase and tell Amah at that time that he would be away for a week or two. He also wouldn’t discuss the holiday plans with his wife, he just showed up with all the tickets. He still provided for his family and still as loving as ever to her and the children but deep down she was really disturbed, she knew there was a problem.

Amah complained to her sister Titi who was really close to Joe and she promised to talk to him. She did talk to him but couldn’t understand why Joe all of a sudden thought Amah was too young and too sensitive to handle certain duties and issues. Titi took charge, she would tell Amah when Joe was planning a trip for the family, and would quickly hijack it and deal accordingly just so Joe wouldn’t have to deal with whoever he was dealing with. She also started to work in the office just in case the woman who was distracting Joe was in the office. It was certain that Joe was having a serious love affair. Amah was grateful to Titi especially when Joe started to come home again for lunch sometimes. All these problems started in the year 2009.

Fastforward, to 2014, on one of those lonely afternoons, Amah went to the church to pray, this had become her afternoon ritual since Joe stopped coming home for lunch regularly. Joe never allowed her to work. She was a full time house wife but received a monthly salary from his business. Her afternoons were usually spent with him when he came home to eat but since his affair started, (still convinced about it) her afternoons were spent in the church until she picked the children from school in the evening. On this particular day, she prayed to God to put an end to her misery.

After her prayers that afternoon, she needed to talk to someone and so Amah called her sister. Her sister said she was home and asked her to come over. Titi lived in the same neighbourhood and so Amah was at her place in a short time.

The security man opened the gate; Amah drove into the compound and went through the back door straight to Titi’s bedroom. She nearly had a heart attack. Titi was clad in a sexy lingerie and was giving Joe who was half naked a lap dance. Something led Amah to the truth on that day. She was speechless, and she could feel her chest going up and down. She was breathing very hard.

They both looked very serious yet relaxed. Then Titi spoke, she said it was for Amah’s own good and that she would thank her later. This was how they planned to tell her. It had been her own sister all these while. Who could have imagined? Joe did not say anything about it to Amah till after some months. He said he loves Amah but loves Titi too. They both satisfied different emotional needs.  Amah took a quick trip to see her parents to report what had happened, she was shocked to discover that her mother knew about it. She told Amah that Titi was more mature to keep Joe focused. She said it would have been worse if he was with an outsider, then all that money he had spent on Titi would have left the family. Really?

Then everything started to make sense, Titi went through a messy divorce three years earlier, she was accused of infidelity but everyone kept the truth about who she cheated with from Amah. She suddenly started a new business and within a year built her own house. She had two more children after her divorce. Those children turned out to be Joe’s children. It is an open secret now although every other person knew about this illicit affair apart from Amah. Who could have thought? Her own sister?!

Amah fell into a depression after she made all the discoveries; she had contemplated taking her own life a couple of times but did not for the sake of her children. She just started counselling and hopes to make a full recovery.