No strings attached

I truly identify with the situation the lady in this story is in right now, she says I can use her nickname Sugarly.

Sugarly was married to a man who nearly strangled her to death (story for another day), well she left that marriage and she is on her second marriage. Sugarly said she got her nickname from friends because she is truly a nice person. Anyone who comes in contact with her thinks that she is a sweet soul and so the name Sugarly comes naturally.

Sugarly believes that her friends really took advantage of her kind nature in the past, she said that she has had to help lots of friends, friends of her friends and even their families out of difficulties a good number of times, yet they always turned around and hurt her. She has a time friendly job which enables run other businesses and so she has enough income to accommodate friends in need. Her husband also has a good job which means that the family is financially stable.

She said that at some point in her life, her girlfriends made her life a living hell, (Tell me about it),they have stabbed her back severally that she has decided not to have any girlfriend anymore. 

Her first husband was a very good man but very jealous and always warned her that if he heard she was with any other man, he would kill her without first confirming the authenticity of the story. He said he believed in the phrase “There is no smoke without fire”.

On the day that her ex husband nearly killed her, Sugarly did not mention to him that her dance class had been moved to a hall in a small hotel on the other side of town where her dance school was also located. She had not attended her dance classes in a while and although she received the email notifying them of the change of location, she had forgotten all about it.

That day was her first day at the new location, she had gone to the old place which was a few blocks from the new place and that was when she remembered the email. After the dance, she was outside with the dance instructor and her girlfriend chatting when she noticed her husband’s car, he made sure he saw her then zoomed off. She felt it was awkward but drove home immediately to discuss his behaviour more especially as he wouldn’t pick her calls.

When she got home, before she could say anything, he started shouting and accusing her of going to meet her boyfriend in a hotel, when she tried to explain, he held her and started to strangle her. That was his first time of ever hitting her in all the years that they were married. The security man who heard her cries initially,  came to her rescue and it took a lot of begging before her husband let go of her neck. She left that night and never looked back. (Wise woman)

Her estranged husband tried to reconcile with her and it was in the process that he confessed that it was the same friend with Sugarly on that day that had sent him a text message to come to that address to see his wife and her boyfriend. Sugarly moved on and is happily married to her present husband Sonny, she said that there was no guarantee her first husband wouldn’t try to kill her again.

A group of friends had ganged up and tried to beat Sugarly up in the past, a friend had falsely accused her of what she did not do which tarnished her image until the truth was revealed. Another friend had tried to sleep with her husband and they keep saying behind her that she sleeps with other men for money though they know that her businesses yield her good income. The list of what her friends have done to her is endless.

Now, Sugarly says that she is done with having girlfriends. She is an only daughter and although her brothers are her friends, I believe her when she says that there’s still that gap when you do not have a friend who is not a family member. She has a new friend now and the new friend is a man. Not like she just met him, they were childhood best friends till secondary school after which Achi left to study in an unpopular European country. They had been in touch all these while but not seen each other since Achi left the country.  He recently got back with his family on a job assignment. They are best friends again and Sugarly is happy about this.

Their friendship has grown stronger in over one year and it keeps getting better. Achi is always there for  her, and they hang out at least once in two weeks. They know each other’s secrets and offer each other advice on different issues. Their spouses are cool with their friendship, Sugarly said her husband Sonny knew about Achi even before he came back to the country and Achi’s wife had always known about Sugarly too. Sugarly has no regrets over her decision and her life has been drama free since she started to stay away from her girlfriends.  Achi often visits Sugarly’s home on weekends with his family and the two families have actually gotten close.

Now the problem is Sugarly’s mother in law who lives with her, she is a strongly opinionated woman who does not believe that a man and a woman can be friends with no strings attached. She said this to Sugarly and asked her to stop the friendship. “What is the meaning of babygeh?” (Achi calls Sugarly baby girl). The woman has decided to make Sugarly’s life difficult and tells her that she cannot stay and watch her cheat on her son. And although Sugarly has sworn to her that there is nothing but pure friendship between her and Achi, she still accuses her of infidelity and worse still, Sugarly’s husband Sonny has been convinced about this by his mother.

Sonny now says that Sugarly must end the friendship; he doesn’t want to see Achi and his family in their home anymore. Achi and his wife already told Sugarly that they would come for lunch on Sunday (that is tomorrow). Sugarly is angry with her mother in law for breeding this discord in her home, she is scared of loosing this one true friendship and terrified that her husband may embarrass her when Achi and his family come over for lunch.

Personally, I believe that a man and a woman can be friends with no strings attached, and I prefer to be friends with the guys than with the ladies. The guys will not gossip about you, they will not stab you in the back, they will not steal your man or your other friends, they will not expose your secrets, they will not be jealous or envious of you and they will protect you. The only risk with the guys is that the unscrupulous nature of the penis may rear its ugly head someday, but that someday may never come.

Sugarly is going through really low moments and all I can say is “Girl, hang in there and decide what is most important to you”