Please say NO to shit

It sucks to be a pedestrian in Nigeria, our country is simply not pedestrian friendly and it is the same story in every state. Owning a car is not luxury if you ask me, it is a great necessity because there are simply no safe walkways. When you walk, you struggle for the same path way with motorists, motorcyclists, tricyclists, bicyclists, truck pushers and cows as the case may be; only a few areas have paths that are dedicated to pedestrians. I really empathise with those who have to walk to their destinations or walk to a place before they get a vehicle to their destinations. They face all sorts of obstacles, from the risk of being hit by vehicles or truck pushers or attacked by animals to facing mentally deranged men and women.

There are simply no regulations to protect pedestrians, zebra crossings are not obeyed, the walk sign on the traffic lights are not obeyed and in some cases, we don’t even have them.

Waiting for the traffic light to turn green today, I watched as people scampered to cross the road, and then a particular woman who had a load on her head wouldn’t let another woman who was obviously in hurry pass, she kept blocking her on every side until the light turned green and vehicles had to wait for the drama to end. The woman with the load then held the other woman who immediately started struggling to release herself from the strong grip of this strange woman. All of a sudden, the woman with the load burst into an uncontrollable laughter and that was when all the spectators (including the policemen) knew that right among us was a mad woman on the loose. It was like a scene from a horror movie.

Some weeks back, I had to meet up with a much older friend at a bus stop to take her to a certain place. I was grossed out when she told me that she had to find a place to wash her shoes and her feet because she had marched “shit” on the road and “shit” here means human faeces. (OMG!!!) Why will a human being defecate on the road where other human beings tread? If she had told me before she got into my car, I would have zoomed off!

We also have the security issues, people who have to walk daily often get attacked and their belongings stolen from them; some are also knocked down by hit and run motorists or okadarists (motorcycles) or kekerists (tricycles). Whichever way you view it, all odds are against the pedestrians in Nigeria and they are not protected in any way.

Whenever I go for a walk, I get this look from other pedestrians like “who is this new kid on the block?” it almost feels like they know the regulars and are angry that a stranger is invading their space.

A few words of advice to intending trekkers,

·        You must have a kind of mannerism that exudes boldness, a carefree nature and shamelessness. (Fight if you have to and do not worry about your clothes getting torn)

·         Anyone who comes too close to you is a thief and so you must be ready to attack first.

·         Hold your change, so you can hail a taxi back home if you cannot deal anymore.

·         You must know the street language to talk yourself out of trouble.

·         You must learn how to pee in public, for the ladies, learn to wipe without the T-roll (hehehe, I will teach this privately)

·        Understand that instead of walkways there are apian ways, they have them everywhere, just ask your fellow trekkers. And finally,

·         Always look before you step to avoid “shit” Whatever you do, "D not march shit"

 Please say NO to "Shit!")