The Chernobyl Disaster

This topic is sensitive to some people but it is absolutely very normal to me, everybody does it, young, old, rich, poor, the sinner and the saint. Even if we hide to do it or pretend that we never do it, the fact remains that we all do it and it is an important part of our lives; in fact failure to do this is a sign of ill health and may require medical attention.

If you are still wondering what the heck I am on about? Yes I am talking about farting! A young bride asked me if it was normal for couples to fart in front of each other. It was a difficult one to answer because I wouldn’t want to give an advice that would go bad.

While some people fart freely and do not see anything wrong in it, some others are terrified of it and practically live in bondage because of fart. Someone I know only farts in the restroom, bondage! Even when she is all alone, she still goes to the restroom to fart, I find this very strange, energy and time consuming.

Some other people just love the thought of farting, in fact they do it like it is a competition; these are the people who do it in a way that it sounds like a trumpet. This type is the most annoying but the most harmless, like an empty vessel, it makes the most noise but has no substance. The one to watch out for is the silent one, a.k.a, the silencer, it makes a very subtle and soothing noise like fuuu or psss, it does not disturb your peace and the discharger often goes scot free. By the time the aftermath comes like the Chernobyl disaster, the offender would have safely vacated the vicinity.

Some men do not care much about fart, so when their spouses fart, it is business as usual because they hardly notice. But with some men, it is a taboo, they tell you that it is an abomination to fart in front of a titled man and must be appeased. Some wives have even had to be sent packing to go learn some manners. (I’m not kidding)

I have heard some people say that they hate a soul-less fart; this is the one that comes with no smell at all, why will one go through the rigours of farting and then it comes out without a smell? A good smell makes a fart. Some people actually taste the fart before they release it, how? They simply bend the neck so that the head will go towards the area of discharge; they get a feel of the smell first to determine if it is suitable for human consumption. This method works only for people with a bit more flesh, if you are slim, it goes straight from the discharge point into thin air because there is no flesh to trap it while it goes through quality check.

Growing up, farting in front of your parents or older ones earned you a knock on the head with the knuckle of the third finger; these days, I hear “excuse me” from a child when he or she farts, is this what they are taught these days? This is not our culture please and as much as we want our children to be bold, farting in public should be guided against.

It is easy to tell the culprit when a Chernobyl accident happens in a gathering, he is usually the first to say “hmm, what smells?” (Just be quiet and look as normal as possible, see free tip.lol). Gone are the days when children turned their backs for their leader to smell their butts in a bid to find out who did the do. lol.

A very senior friend of mine once told me that a lady must never fart or do number two in the presence of her spouse, it reduces her queenly value and she becomes like a commoner. Every lady should have a bit of mystery that the spouse would try to decode for the rest of that relationship.

Enough said!