Hello Ko?

Back in my days, adults especially mothers had the right to call another person’s child to order; if as a child you saw your mother’s friend in your school, you would first of all check yourself to be sure that everything was in order with you. As a girl, you would strap your sandals, adjust your tie back belt or tuck in your shirt and straighten out your skirt in the case of a secondary school student; the boys would tuck in their shirts and adjust their belts; you would then greet the adult with your most innocent voice.

Your parents’ friend or family friend like we said then would come to your house to report if you were badly behaved in public, they would have scolded you but they still owed your parents that duty to report what had happened. The biggest offence was failure to greet anyone who was older than you, sacrilege! It was seen as a crime, that adult would beat you if you were within reach and your parents could still beat you too.

As much as this sort of human behavioural served as a check on the growing kids who were always on guard, it worried me to an extent. Not every adult had good intentions, and some were also critical of other people’s children; they would see every single fault in other children but would never see anything wrong or hardly accept any complaint about their own children.

An Igbo adage when translated goes, “one person does not train a child”, I agree with this saying but some parents took it too far in those days by whooping other people’s children. Hmm, now that I am a parent, if a friend raises her hand on any child of my mine, there better be an extremely good reason for it. That aside, I must say I agree with most of the principles of raising children in those days; in my opinion, we turned out better. Hehehe.

I respect our young people who do not fail to greet their elders and I respect their parents too. The simple courtesy of greeting should be a litmus test for good upbringing. I remember going on a walk one day and I met a neighbour’s son on the way, he was so uncomfortable like he wasn’t sure if he should greet me or not, well he didn’t and he just walked past me. 

After our second meeting on the same road, I had to tell his father that I was surprised that an undergraduate like his son would see his parents’ friend and not say hello, he promised to speak to him. 

The third time I met this young man, he looked me straight in the eyes, let out a mischief smile and walked past me yet again, to say that I was terrified is to say the least. The next time I saw my neighbour, he ignored me, and my mouth must have been wide open for about five minutes. What did the cheeky fellow tell his father?

As soon as I got home, I called my boys and pleaded with them to never ever fail to greet an adult especially those who they were familiar with.

As I was getting over my encounter with the boy who by now I had written off as a rascal, I met another neighbour’s child on my walk (this walk sef) this time it was a young lady, an under graduate as well, she totally ignored me, I had to stop her to ask if she did not recognise me as her mother’s friend, she said that she did and I asked why she didn’t say hello, (story, hello would have been worse) I walked on, didn’t even wait for her response before she would give me a heart attack.

The next child I reported to his mother almost jumped on me to say hello, it was obvious that his mother spoke to him and you could see the change. That is good parenting!

Not like I am hungry for greeting, I am not a good greeter myself but I make an effort and maybe I should say I am trying to save these children from making the same mistakes that I made by not greeting.

The first two incidents made me vow to become a better mother, children’s behaviours outside the home tell a lot about their upbringing and I don’t want any child of mine to be badly behaved outside of the home. 

What surprises me is that some parents see nothing wrong when their children are badly behaved; they make excuses for them and just allow such behaviours; I hate it when a mother or father says to her child “say hello to aunty” as in? We are Nigerians and that attitude will never work, we don’t say hello to our elders, we say “Good morning, Good afternoon or Good evening” or you greet in your local language. Hello ko!

I am not one to ask my children not to be friends with anyone, rather I encourage them to stay positive around negative people, and positivity will always prevail against negativity. However, if you fail to raise your child well while I struggle everyday to bring out the best in my own child, I will not fail to pray your child out of my child’s life or vice versa. They will naturally stop being friends, simple!

Why do I write about greeting? Recently, at an event, I failed to greet an older person properly, I greeted but was not audible enough; remember greeting is not about mumbling a salute, it is a total package, it comes with a smile and the right body language. As soon as I sat down at this event, this person called my name and said “Good afternoon”, the sarcasm was so obvious even to the blind and I was beyond embarrassed. 

I know that I am not a good greeter like I mentioned but I make a conscious effort, Igbos kneel or prostrate only when they want to greet a traditional ruler but the yorubas kneel to greet elderly people, it was a culture shock for me but I have learnt to do it well these days especially with those who particularly enjoy to be greeted that way. It does not add or remove anything from me rather I put a smile on someone’s face which is just perfect.

A child who greets well is always a delight to people around him and a good ambassador of his/her home. Please have a chat with your child/children today to see if they have been representing you well outside the four walls of your home.