Voice to the voiceless

Infertility has destroyed and is still destroying a lot of marriages. It is more prominent these days than it was in our parents’ time and it makes one wonder if it has anything to do with lifestyle. We do things a lot differently than our parents did and our diets are definitely worlds apart. According to my own research, four out of every ten couples are yet to have a child. Some others have had to wait for several years before their very first child, and sometimes, another child may never come or would come after another long wait. 

Usually, the women bear the pains of childlessness more than the men, they constantly live in fear that the husband could get another woman pregnant thereby making it more obvious that the fault is the woman’s. 

I know a couple at the moment who are still waiting on God for a child, but unknown to the lady, the husband just welcomed a baby with a random girl that he met where he had gone to visit a friend, the young girl stays with her mother in a flat in the same compound as his friend. He claims that he slept with her just twice; to abort the baby was never an option. 

The last time I saw his wife, I felt really sorry for her, I know that she will be devastated when she learns of her husband’s lovechild.

I asked the young man what he would do about the issue and if he ever planned to tell his wife, he says he will cross the bridge when he gets there. Hmm…I wonder when he will get to that bridge.  I advised him to let his wife know of this development sooner, it would be better to hear from him than to hear from another source. 

Then he confided in me that he was quite scared to tell his wife, she could have a mental breakdown; he knows how much his wife loves him and finding out a thing like this was capable of damaging her for good. I agree with him, his wife is one of those ladies who do not say two words without mentioning “my husband”, she clings to him like a baby clings to his mother and I know that she will surely be heartbroken. She loves him too much but then is there anything wrong with a wife loving her husband too much?

He is also trying to convince the young girl to keep the identity of the baby’s father a secret. He wants to raise his child secretly; he would be in the baby’s life, be the best daddy ever and reward the girl financially if she keeps to her own part of the deal. Talk about living a double life!

Another couple I know resorted to a really bizarre solution, the man is the impotent one in this case and he agreed with his wife to have babies by other men and he would accept all the children as his. Now, this is a village setting, and as it is with that kind of setting, gossips thrive. Everyone knows that their five children do not belong to her husband, but these husband and wife do not really care who knows what, they are both happy and the man provides for the family by every village standard.

Couple number three, the wife has gotten rid of two pregnancies, she has been married to her husband for seven years without a child. All the medical results showed that her husband was okay but she still was not satisfied and so she intentionally slept with another man on her right day and she conceived but she had to get rid of it. After a year she tried again and it clicked; yet again, she aborted it. She is now convinced that her husband needs help which he has refused vehemently to seek.

See the difference between a man and a woman, the woman would think of her family first and all the people she could hurt by her action and then would retrace her steps. I wish I could say the same for the men.

An easy way to bring joy into the home of a couple still trying to bear a child is through adoption; that precious little child will keep you on your toes that you would not have the time to think of any other thing but to take good care of the baby before you.

If you have tried other methods which did not work, please weigh the option of adoption, this is one area where Nigerians have gotten it all wrong; they make adoption seem like a taboo and it is usually a gossip topic, “Do you know that Amaka’s baby was adopted?”  We need to get to the point in this country where adoption is viewed as another way of childbirth.

Think of it, you would have achieved two things when you adopt;

First, the arrival of your newest baby, this will definitely bring so much joy into your home, people visit you with gifts and you will surely experience the joys of motherhood. You will also get to dance to the altar of God when you dedicate your child in the church. Remember that inner joy brings one to a state of calmness and this may open your womb to conceive its own child. One more thing;

You would have given a voice to a child who could have been voiceless