Worthy Fling - Conclusion

We carried on this way for some time, not speaking to each other at all and it became obvious that Gerald tortured me intentionally. I tried so hard to forget Gerald and I moved on or so I thought. Eventually, we got back to saying hello and speaking only when it was about the job. The more I tried to get over Gerald, the more I longed for him. Was it love or lust? I couldn’t say, but whatever it was, I knew that I wanted him.
Weeks turned to months and still no changes from Gerald, he was still the star of the office, he performed well, he still flirted a lot and all our top bosses still loved him. Everyone carried on as normal and nobody noticed that I was suffering silently. I always wondered who else Gerald had shared with what he shared with me and this thought was always so painful.
I searched for another job desperately, that would be my only way out; I couldn’t face this guy anymore, I was losing my mind. I often found myself having light orgasms in the office, or goose bumps or even mild trembles whenever I remembered the things that he did to me. I needed to get away from Gerald, with or without a new job.
One Sunday morning, as I stepped out of my flat to go to church, I was scared to my bones by Gerald; there he was standing by my door looking so sexy in an all black native attire. It was clear that he had been standing out there for some time. Before I could say anything, Gerald went down on one knee and proposed to me and I suddenly went dumb. When I got my voice back, I asked him to please let me go to church first.
He drove me to church and stayed with me till the end of service; I saw another side of Gerald, he knew all the worship and praise songs, he prayed passionately and I noticed that he had even cried during the prayers. It felt so good having Gerald sit by my side in church, we looked like a couple but I was still not sure if his proposal was a joke or for real.
We went to a very nice restaurant in his side of town after the church service; we had such a good time that I forgot all the torture that he put me through. He explained to me that he needed to put up that act as my job was on the line. One of his female admirers who was a top shot at the bank had threatened him that she would deal with anyone who was romantically involved with him.
Gerald had gotten a new job and would be leaving soon so it was safe to make his feelings for me known. He denied being involved with that particular boss of ours who had threatened him, though I doubted this very much, I chose to believe him. As we made to leave the restaurant, he knelt on one knee and proposed again, of course I said yes. I still thought it was not for real but since an engagement did not bind us legally, I played along.
We left the restaurant and Gerald took me to a really beautiful house, he drove right into the compound and he said he wanted me to meet some people. It turned out we were in Gerald’s parents’ home, they were so welcoming and within a short period, I learnt a lot about this young man who could become my husband, he was the firstborn child in a family of six boys and his parents held him in very high esteem. I loved the fact that he did not have a sister, which felt really great. I had heard a lot of horror stories about sisters in law.
The visit to Gerald’s home explained a lot of things, his parents were rich and he was part of his father’s business, he hid this fact very carefully from the office folks. Everyone thought he was such a smart guy who engaged in other businesses.
In a nut shell, Gerald and I had a very quiet and classy wedding; we had just family and forty friends, twenty from each side. It was a big shock to my colleagues at work, I knew that some hated me for it and wanted so desperately to be in my shoes. Our honeymoon was a truly a memorable one, Gerald was the man to be with, we went to a local resort and Gerald gave me the time of my life.
He was not only good in bed, he was also very crazy. He would slip his hand into my pants while at breakfast and finger me till I started panting and then we would leave the restaurant for our bedroom. Once while we were still at honeymoon, he made love to me all night and I nearly passed out, he prepared for the night, he had food and drinks and pain killers. By the next morning I couldn’t walk, talk or do anything.
Before I met Gerald, I had considered myself stiff and not into sex but he made me discover myself, I couldn’t be happier and I thought life would remain this way. Three weeks after our honeymoon, I discovered that I was pregnant. By this time Gerald had started his new job and I was on my way out of the bank, we both agreed that I should take a break from work to focus on the family.
When it was time to deliver my baby, luckily Gerald was not away on one of his regular official trips, while we were on our way to the hospital, he asked if I called any of my siblings or friends to be with me the labour room but I said there was no need since he was with me. That was our first quarrel, he said he would never do that and I insisted that he would.
When it was time to push, I refused to push till my husband joined me in the labour room, we were in it together. I saw the look of dejection on his face as he walked into the room; the labour wasn’t a very difficult one for a first timer and in a short time, our baby boy Gerald Jnr. came forth. It was a joyful moment for us.
Trouble started when Gerald jnr. turned eight weeks, I started to long for my husband and was surprised that Gerald had not even talked about sex since I had Junior. We did it all through my pregnancy, and nothing changed except for some positions which became difficult to achieve. The doctor even mentioned that it made the labour process a lot easier. Gerald loved sex and he was good at it so it was strange that he had not asked for it in two months. He had even jokingly told me that he would love to grind me in my hospital room after delivery.
One night I went to meet him in the room that he had moved into since the birth of our baby and I wore my sexiest lingerie; my Gerald did not disappoint me, he grabbed my breasts and squeezed them so hard, the foreplay was mind blowing and I couldn’t wait for Gerald to get into me; as I spread out my legs and closed my eyes in anticipation, I felt nothing and I opened my eyes, behold, my husband was as flat as a bad dough.
I could not believe my eyes, “I am so sorry dear, I can’t keep it up” those words pierced through my heart like a sword. How could that be? After that incident,  I tried several more times and it was the same story, after foreplay, just at the point of penetration Gerald’s penis would fall flat. I was dead worried, in over six months I had not enjoyed my husband. It became a major concern and I sought counselling.
It was at the first session that Gerald opened up that seeing the baby come out from my vagina affected him greatly. He couldn’t get the sight of the baby’s head coming out off his mind and each time he tried to penetrate, the picture came to him. That was why he pleaded with me to let him stay outside the labour room, if he had explained it to me then it wouldn’t have made sense. (you should have explained earlier then)
Our son is ten years old now and he is our only child, people think I have fertility issues, yes I do, the one I created for myself. Sometimes I blame myself for the situation I find myself in, Gerald still cannot keep it up past foreplay, we have all sorts of sex toys but nothing feels like Gerald plus I cannot conceive with dildos.
To the outside world, we are a normal couple; it is either we have fertility issues or just decided to have just one child. Gerald is a doting father and husband; he provides adequately for us and does his best to ensure our home is a happy one. But how can I be happy?  His mother thinks that either one of us has a problem; she keeps praying for us. Gerald forbade me to discuss this with anyone and still thinks that going to a counsellor was a mistake.
Sometimes I feel like ending it all. This problem has lasted too long but I can never get used to it. Indeed, all that glitters is not gold, how could I have known that Gerald had such psychological issues. He had always feared being present at his child’s delivery because of the process involved, thanks to his Biology class.
Recently, he told me that a twenty eight year old girl had fallen pregnant for him; I cry myself to sleep these days. I haven’t eaten in days, I have lost a lot of weight, Gerald feels bad about this and he has apologised every single day since he told me.
How do I go  I go on carrying this very heavy cross?