A Battle of the Devils

I do not believe in abuse although it makes me really laugh when I see people rain insults on themselves, they always look so stupid and it helps me remember that I should never be involved in any sort of fight. 

Abuse in any form is bad; be it physical, mental or verbal. It is the worst thing that can happen to any relationship, I can authoritatively say so.

Whenever we hear of an abuse, our minds quickly go to the woman; we are programmed to believe that the woman is usually the victim. Most times, it is the woman for sure but, I have come to realise that there is a growing number of men who suffer abuses in their own homes. They never cry out, why? Because they are MEN! And men do not cry. No, I do not mean physical abuse, (although a few have suffered this), but I am talking about verbal and mental abuse. 

In most cases, very good women find themselves with very useless men who use them as punching bags or kill their psyches with very horrible statements aimed at totally destroying their self confidence. On the other hand, good men who have been raised well and trained to respect women fall into the hands of very bad women who do not have any respect for them, do not have the same standards as them and only thrive on making life a living hell for their very good husbands. I call this the irony of life.

I often hear people say, “Take a walk” or “Take a long drive” and to me it is another level of abuse. How do you expect a man who just got back home after a genuine hard day’s job to leave his home at an ungodly hour because his nagging evil wife is at it again? 

How about the woman taking a walk when she is angry instead of standing up to a man and daring him to do his worst; if you dare a man to do his worst, you will surely get his worst. I will only be upset if the man you dared does not show you his worst, then to me that man is a big mmeeh!(a goat’s bleat)

A woman who means to be bad can really be bad; I know because I am a woman. I am all for the whole gender equality thing but no, I am not a feminist! I will call myself a humanist and I will not fail to stand for what is right for everyone just because I want the women to be accorded the same respect as the men. I also condemn the abuse of women by men in its totality and I stand by this anytime, any day and anywhere.

I remember years back when in a moment of irrationality, hubby said something and I snapped, I felt something on my mouth, I wasn’t even looking and it was so unexpected. It wasn’t that painful but the thought of hubby striking made me to start wailing. I began to make calls frantically to my mum and dad and siblings. The first person that picked was my dear mother. The following conversation ensued between her and me.

Me: (Sobbing uncontrollably) Mu..mmy…uhmm.. 

Mum: (Really worried and screaming) What is it? Where is your husband? Where are the children? O gini? Are they okay? 

Me: Yes mum, uhmm..They are all fine uhm.. (Still crying seriously) 

Mum: Then what is it? (Her voice strong and impatient) 

Me: Victor slapped me..oohh uhhh uhmm..(Wailing very seriously now) 

Mum: Mscheeew (a very long hiss.) Is that why you are crying? What did you do?

Me: (shocked to my bones but still crying) I..I..I ca..lled him an in..gra..te. 

Mum: But why will you call your husband an ingrate? 

After explaining what transpired, my very funny mother said “Ngwa, wipe your tears oh nne, next time, stay very far away from him when you call him that, so you can run before he gets to you”

I said okay, when I hung up, I just started laughing.

My dad said “don’t worry Nwamaka, I have asked your brother to come and find out the situation of things in your home. I am still waiting for my brother to come and it’s been over eight years or even more.

According to my husband, he brushed my mouth, if he had slapped me, I would have gone into a coma. I never bothered to find out if his statement was mere talk. Other things matter more like my children.  He asked what my mum had said and when I told him, we both burst out laughing. He apologised and I apologised too. End of fight! 

I also learnt a very big lesson about my family on that day, they were able to tell that it was nothing serious and they did not make matters worse, they only showed empathy and quickly moved on with their lives, they stayed away and let us sort out our differences, that is not to say that they do not know when to step in and save their own. 

Now back to my message, a lot of men are prisoners in their own homes, they are scared of their wives and cannot even reason or act like human beings anymore. It is even worse when a man is going through tough times; I have seen women say things like, “Is that one a man?” “If they call for the men, you too will come out?” how can you look at a man and say to him “Are you a man?” or “If you are man, touch me….when he touches and you murder.

Some women make the men turn away from their own families, the men oblige just for peace to reign, (these are very weak men).  Such wives won’t let the husbands’ mothers or siblings come for a short stay, yet their own mothers or sibling may live with them. I have seen women brag about the way they treat their mothers in law or husband’s siblings. If your mother in law or any in law at all is troublesome, by all means, please respectfully put that person in his/her place but do not antagonise your husband’s family just because the thing between your thighs or the two paw-paws on your chest give you an unguided sense of entitlement. 

When a man puts his foot down, the woman resorts to emotional blackmail and abuse, my priest said it again today at Mass that a woman who denies her spouse his conjugal rights in the bedroom has committed a grievous sin, so beware! Same goes for the man.  Just because you did not get things done your way during the day, you wait for the night to revenge, well, if you deny him, you deny yourself also, after all, sex is “Do me I do you”

The “Silent Treatment” has led to the destruction of a lot of homes yet some women will not learn; silent treatment should not last for more than one day if you ask me. I remember the conversation I had with my friend a while back, her husband always got back home late every day, they would quarrel about it and I advised her to just ignore him for a whole day and then he would know that he was hurting her by coming home late and she screamed at that advice. She said her husband was the inventor of the silent treatment, that if she dared, he had the ability to drag it on for months. Lol. Some men are really bad, I must say.

Some women also want to show that they are in charge, you make the money for the family, and so? Are you not the one fighting for gender equality, when he was the breadwinner, did he make any show of it? A good man will transfer funds for certain transactions to his wife’s account, he’s the underdog, a silent performer. But when life deals a man a bad blow and his irrational wife becomes the breadwinner, just spend two minutes with the couple and you will know who is truly in charge.

When a man has the money, a woman is in charge, when the woman has the money, she is still in charge, hmm..I feel really bad for the men right now. Is it really a man’s world? I think I agree with Beyonce’s song titled “Who runs the world?” The women really do run the world.

I just wish that more and more people would marry their match; a bad man should marry a really tough woman who will face his bad behaviour squarely. It will be a battle of the devils; the lesser devil will bow to the bigger devil. Good men should marry good women so hopefully they can produce more good people, but I guess the reason God allows a good man to fall for a bad woman and vice versa is to let the good overcome the bad!