With all the stories in the past few days, I have received more similar stories, but what I am about to share is not a story per se but a concern from a Lileas blog reader.
Lola (not real name)is a young lady in her middle thirties and is married to an amazing young man who takes very good care of his family. They are both professionals and have five lovely children, their marriage has been quite successful and they have not had any reason to doubt each other. Lola loves to travel but her husband does not share this hobby with her; he provides the funds and sends his wife and children off to a very good vacation every year though he travels with them sometimes on short holidays.
It is almost time for another vacation, it is usually an exciting period for Lola, and she loves everything about travelling from the preparation to the journey itself, the stop-overs, the shopping and the pictures. But it is a different feeling for her this time; she is even considering cancelling her trip this year but is scared to make her reason known to her husband; she knows that the reason will upset him so much.
Very recently, her children’s nanny who had worked with her from the birth of her first child resigned from her job; she got married and had to join her husband in another state. She has a new nanny Aggy (not real name), who has been excellent in her duties, she has never had issues with this nanny and she says that Aggy is a wonderful replacement for the last nanny, but all of a sudden she feels uncomfortable leaving Aggy to take of her husband while she is away on vacation.
When I asked why she suddenly started to feel this way, she said nothing but I knew there was much more and I inquired further, she then opened up that she saw her nanny’s under wears and thought that they belonged to her (hahahahaha). When she confronted her nanny that she could have stolen her belongings, Aggy brought out her collection of Victoria Secret under wears and Lola almost passed out. She said that Aggy had an enviable collection and matched each panty with a bra; this nanny is no ordinary nanny. Little wonder she is so neat and keeps the home spick and span; now Lola is worried that something could happen between her husband and this nanny.
She is reluctant to share her fears with her husband for two reasons, first, she does not want to expose her sudden insecurity and then, she knows that saying such to her husband would enrage him.
But she is genuinely worried, because she has an uncle who found himself in the same situation and started to sleep with the maid. She also said that she will never be able to forgive her husband if it ever happens, so it’s best to prevent it.
If she sends Aggy packing, her husband will ask questions and may feel slighted, if she sends her to stay with a relation till she gets back, her husband will be upset, he says he needs someone to help him while his family is away.
Lola does not know how to handle this situation. I asked her to have a talk with her husband and tell him why she feels the way she does. They can both find a solution together but it will be nice to read other people’s opinions.
Lola (not real name)is a young lady in her middle thirties and is married to an amazing young man who takes very good care of his family. They are both professionals and have five lovely children, their marriage has been quite successful and they have not had any reason to doubt each other. Lola loves to travel but her husband does not share this hobby with her; he provides the funds and sends his wife and children off to a very good vacation every year though he travels with them sometimes on short holidays.
It is almost time for another vacation, it is usually an exciting period for Lola, and she loves everything about travelling from the preparation to the journey itself, the stop-overs, the shopping and the pictures. But it is a different feeling for her this time; she is even considering cancelling her trip this year but is scared to make her reason known to her husband; she knows that the reason will upset him so much.
Very recently, her children’s nanny who had worked with her from the birth of her first child resigned from her job; she got married and had to join her husband in another state. She has a new nanny Aggy (not real name), who has been excellent in her duties, she has never had issues with this nanny and she says that Aggy is a wonderful replacement for the last nanny, but all of a sudden she feels uncomfortable leaving Aggy to take of her husband while she is away on vacation.
When I asked why she suddenly started to feel this way, she said nothing but I knew there was much more and I inquired further, she then opened up that she saw her nanny’s under wears and thought that they belonged to her (hahahahaha). When she confronted her nanny that she could have stolen her belongings, Aggy brought out her collection of Victoria Secret under wears and Lola almost passed out. She said that Aggy had an enviable collection and matched each panty with a bra; this nanny is no ordinary nanny. Little wonder she is so neat and keeps the home spick and span; now Lola is worried that something could happen between her husband and this nanny.
She is reluctant to share her fears with her husband for two reasons, first, she does not want to expose her sudden insecurity and then, she knows that saying such to her husband would enrage him.
But she is genuinely worried, because she has an uncle who found himself in the same situation and started to sleep with the maid. She also said that she will never be able to forgive her husband if it ever happens, so it’s best to prevent it.
If she sends Aggy packing, her husband will ask questions and may feel slighted, if she sends her to stay with a relation till she gets back, her husband will be upset, he says he needs someone to help him while his family is away.
Lola does not know how to handle this situation. I asked her to have a talk with her husband and tell him why she feels the way she does. They can both find a solution together but it will be nice to read other people’s opinions.
Well from my own perspective I don't sense any danger of if she goes on holiday unless there's been an issue of trust in their marriage. Abeg free Aggy designer joor😂!!
ReplyDeleteThe maid should leave and return when they are back full stop.
ReplyDeleteShe needs 2 convince her husband 2 go along or find d best of alibi 2 stay bak. Ders a very thin line btw fears of fantasy and reality itself.
ReplyDeleteShe should trust her gut feeling, especially since there hasn't been any issue of mistrust before now.
ReplyDeleteEven when you trust your husband, it is the maid you should be more concerned about. Some will go to any length just to get the man.Meanwhile, the man will be there proofing "macho" until he falls in.
My advice, do not disclose your reasons in detail.Just that you do not trust her enough(material, psychological, spiritual and otherwise), and wouldn't want her running your home without you around. She could either cancel the trip or send the girl elsewhere, depending on which is best for them.
On the other hand, what's the maid's story behind the Victoria secret collection?
Where they gotten from "bend-down select?
Was she better-off before now ( to afford them)?
Where they gotten from previous runs?
Either way, she should not ignore her gut feeling. Most times it's always the right feeling, warning you about something.
WISHING YOY ALL THE BEST MY SISTER.
Please can someone supply this question, who employed the nanny wife or husband(who new her first)? If is husband then the wife need to be careful and think twice before traveling.
ReplyDeleteSince this nanny has been doing a good job, a perfect replacement if the erstwhile, why don't Lola make the vacation all inclusive for all the family members inclusive of the maid. If her husband is engaged at work she can convince him that it will be generous of the family to go with the maid at least let her experience life from the other side. May be the man give in to that. I don't see her succeeding discussing her fears with her husband.her best bet is to convince the man to cone with her or all the family members Aggy inclusive
ReplyDeleteWell she should go and come back when she returns. My own mind
ReplyDeleteSend the Nanny to her people as a paid vacation and have her come back once you are back in town. How can you leave a goat with yam unattended? The husband will always take care of his belly by eating out or ordering food
ReplyDeleteLola has good reason to be worried not necessarily for lack of trust. She has to get read of the 'cause factor', the maid by having her go for holiday as reward for her dutifulness(paid holiday).
ReplyDeleteNne if its me with such feeling I will send the Nanny to my sister's or a family to stay and help out till we are back with extra pay cause if I send her home she may come to the house somehow if she has ulterior motive.
ReplyDeleteI will also try to convince hubby to please come with us even if for part of the holiday.
Lol shouldn't discuss any fear with hubby abeg...
Let me begin with the nanny who is present in the story but not really there:
ReplyDeleteWho says that even if this husband were interested in her, that she would be interested in him? That she does not have a boyfriend? A regular lover? There is a complete erasure of her in this narrative (and in the comments) as if she were completely devoid of agency. Is it really so that all she's doing is waiting for her madam to travel to begin an affair with her oga?!!
There is a proverb that says that he who falls for anyone in beautiful lingerie will fall for a lizard in thongs. Okay, I just made that up but it makes the point I want to make (somewhat). Now:
1. is this man so weak minded and so shallow that the only thing needed to turn him from a dedicated husband to a flagrant philanderer is a nice set of lingerie?
2. Is this woman so insecure that she cannot trust this man she has been with for so many years to be respectful of their relationship, and not bury his nose in the next beautiful pair of undies he sees?
3. Is Lola going to choose subsequent nannies based on the plainness and ugliness of their underwear?
4.does she not realize that her husband does not have to see any woman's underwear to find them sexy/attractive/whatever? All he has to do is to imagine them without any underwear
5. why does our society insist on infantilizing grown men , people from whom all sorts of temptation (both real and imagined) must be removed hence they give in to them?
6. Why does our society encourage women to take responsibility for keeping me away from (sexual) temptation, taking the blame when an adult man gives in to his temptation and literally living a hell everyday conniving ways of keeping a relationship (even one in which they are being abused running).Does the woman not have a job? Hobbies? Whatever else that keeps her busy apart from worrying about her employee's knickers?
7. If Lola were my daughter, I'd wonder where/how I failed in giving her a sense of confidence
Done.
Nice one obtainable only on an ideal situation and the situation at hand is far from ideal. A nanny who uses only sets of VS undies isn't one to toy with.
DeleteLola should make a joke about her findings to her husband and tell him what she wants done in that case. He is her man and she shouldn't feel shy to let him know that " there's love in sharing" no reach for his side. If well presented, the man will support the wife to protect himself for her sake. That's what love and communication are all about.
Nice one found only in ideal situations. But the nanny situations these days are far from ideal. Caution is the watchword here. When your nanny uses only matching sets of VS undies you need to check yourself abeg.
DeleteLola feel free to joke about your discoveries about the Nanny to your husband and then tell him on a serious note what you want to do. He's your man and you shouldn't be afraid to let him know that you cannot trade him for or with any other.
Let him into your insecurities and watch him protect himself for your sake.