This question recently came up in another gathering of youths where I delivered a talk.
Dear Lilea's blog,
I am currently in a relationship, this man is good and truly loves me however I had to relocate due to a job transfer.
I now live in another town and recently met another man and this new man is like my boyfriend but a better version.
I thought my boyfriend was the best man I would ever come across but this new man has shown me another level of care, love and generosity.
He doesn't know about my boyfriend so it's not like he's trying to impress me or outdo anybody.
He just proposed to me and I have never been this confused in my whole life.
My boyfriend is a really good man and does not deserve to have his heart broken but my new man is almost an angel. He has never bothered me for sex, he says he doesn't want me for sex, that is how decent he is and I know he's okay down there. (don't ask me how I know)
Please advise me, I'm a mess right now and although my first boyfriend has not proposed to me, I know he wants to marry me.
His parents asked him to wait for his older brother to get married first before he goes ahead with his own marriage plans.
I do not want to lose both while trying to keep one.
From a Confused girl.
My response,
Dear confused girl, you are the only one who can help yourself. You know both men more than anyone who advises you. In choosing a life partner, one may be required to take some heart breaking decisions.
You know what you want so think deeply and most of all pray for God to direct you. (that is if you can pray in your current state). You have actually been playing two men, I wish you the best of luck.
That was all the response I could give her.
Dear Lilea's blog,
I am currently in a relationship, this man is good and truly loves me however I had to relocate due to a job transfer.
I now live in another town and recently met another man and this new man is like my boyfriend but a better version.
I thought my boyfriend was the best man I would ever come across but this new man has shown me another level of care, love and generosity.
He doesn't know about my boyfriend so it's not like he's trying to impress me or outdo anybody.
He just proposed to me and I have never been this confused in my whole life.
My boyfriend is a really good man and does not deserve to have his heart broken but my new man is almost an angel. He has never bothered me for sex, he says he doesn't want me for sex, that is how decent he is and I know he's okay down there. (don't ask me how I know)
Please advise me, I'm a mess right now and although my first boyfriend has not proposed to me, I know he wants to marry me.
His parents asked him to wait for his older brother to get married first before he goes ahead with his own marriage plans.
I do not want to lose both while trying to keep one.
From a Confused girl.
My response,
Dear confused girl, you are the only one who can help yourself. You know both men more than anyone who advises you. In choosing a life partner, one may be required to take some heart breaking decisions.
You know what you want so think deeply and most of all pray for God to direct you. (that is if you can pray in your current state). You have actually been playing two men, I wish you the best of luck.
That was all the response I could give her.
This is serious. But my question is who does she love?
ReplyDeleteThis is serious. But my question is who does she love?
ReplyDeleteSerious matter. She really needs Gods direction
ReplyDeleteSerious matter. She really needs Gods direction
ReplyDeleteYes it can be quite confusing, like Amaka advised she is the one to make the final decision and also pray concerning it. She can't love both equally, she should look beyond physical attraction and look deep inside, character, temperament and all that for no one is perfect. By the time she disects their personality she should be able to know the one to cope with both in good and not so good times.. But she should put God first and let him guide her through it.
ReplyDeleteShe is two-timing and that's bad!. There will always be better men as conditions changes. The question is, "what kind of man does she really need?" Not the man she wants. Marriage is a lifetime game. It goes way beyond the physical appearance and attributes. See needs to seek God's face and fast. And why hasn't she told bf 2 about bf 1?
ReplyDeleteShe have to carry on with the last person but not without making proper investigation on him to be sure that he is not facing challenges (physical, emotional or social) which may pose a threat to their happiness in marriage. For the first person not to propose to her because he is waiting for his elder brother to get married first should sound a note of warning to her that anything can happen to her own detriment. Women are like flowers and she bear in mind that opportunity comes but once.
ReplyDeleteWell, inasmuch as I second the fact that she needs God's grace, lets also not forget that grace thrives on nature.
ReplyDeleteI think she is the root of her problem and if she doesn't overcome herself early enough, she will surely end up in a deeper mess when she is married (because more handsome and caring men than the new dude she just met will still come her way).
She was in a relationship before she relocated, therefore love n integrity demand that she respects that. Any responsible and well-meaning man will honor your stance if you categorically let him know from day one that you are in a relationship.
It is unfortunate that she has viewed love as a noun (feeling)- which will always manipulate her, instead of viewing it as a verb (sacrifice)- which she can control.
So my advice to her is simple - tell the new dude the truth and love the former dude.
For me she is not confused. I believe she knows what she wants. The man according to her is a better version so why the confusion. I think she has taken her decision. Just advice her to look very well before she reaps.
ReplyDeleteShe's not confused oo.. She has made up her mind..
ReplyDelete1. He's a better version
2. He's almost an angel
3. He's good down there.
Babe C'mon all that glitters is not gold, you had a relationship before moving to ur new place, what moved into another relationship that has led to proposal... It's seems u more comfortable with the new guy.. Just tell the first guy the state of things and move on with the person u more comfortable with.. Time shall tell.
You said it all, Elochukwu !!!
ReplyDeleteOoookay!, so this is how the mind of a guy ---#Confused---is when he's trying to decide which gal to settle down with? There lies the problem with multiple choices #Obj
ReplyDeleteThen his main girlfriend (from her point of view) sees wedding photos of him and za oza girl on facebook which took place on a saturday after he just left her place the night before...just because he didnt know how to tell her he's moved on with another gal tey tey or maybe he's just plain mean.
Everybody comes with a baggage,some with more, some with less, a baggage nonetheless, stick to the one you can handle... nobody is an angel...she definitely ain't one, Lol.
Would be nice to do the honorable thing and let Mr.boyfriend know that she's with Mr.NewMan, Mr. Boyfriend will survive. Just a broken heart and bruised ego dazzol!...hopefully, "there won't be blood"
Huh
ReplyDeleteShe needs to make up her mind and free whichever she doesn't want in good time and should not put anyone in suspense
ReplyDelete