Dear Lilea's blog

Dear Lilea's Blog,

I am an avid reader of your blog, I often comment anonymously and I commend you for a good job. I think my father hates me and here's my story;

I am the first child in a family of four and I am the only daughter. There's a ten year gap between me and my younger brother.

I began to notice the hostility from when I was a child that is why I do not have fond childhood memories of times spent with my father.

He never visited me in the boarding house and in the primary school no one ever knew who my father was. He made sure that I never lacked but there was no connection and certainly no father-daughter relationship.

I was an only child for a long time before my brother came and then the other two followed in quick succession.

The birth of my brothers opened my eyes to a lot of things. My dad was at each hospital appointment for any of them and as they grew older, he always say and had conversations with them.

He taught them how to drive personally as soon as each one turned sixteen years; of course that wasn't the case for me.

When I was bold enough to confront him on why he treated me differently, he was dismissive and he told me that it was his duty to teach my brothers to be real men. He said it was my mum's call to raise me to be a decent woman.

I grew up very angry with my father for almost neglecting me. I realised that he'd preferred I was a male child. He even started to treat my mother better when she started having boys.

My brothers were all sent overseas to study and they remain there till date pursuing different careers. I had to stay back for obvious reasons. We are all under forty years.

My dad was recently diagnosed with prostate issues and had to undergo surgery and my mum is not in the best of health.

I am expected to leave my husband and two children to go and look after my father. I know I can easily do it because I have a capable nanny and the most supportive husband but I just don't want to.

I told my mum that I am busy with work (I'm self employed by the way) and family.

My brothers who he gave so much attention and love should come back home and take care of their father.

I feel bad though but I'm still hurt from the way he treated me in the past. What do you think?

My response: Dear LBR(Lilea's Blog Reader) It's simple, your father is your father and you need to forgive him. Maybe it's time to have that important talk with him and he may be more receptive now.

However, do what gives you peace.