Anywhere but here: Friday Rant

So many things are wrong in our nation. I have been struggling for the past few weeks to see something positive and all I see is hopelessness although all hope is not lost. hmm.

A drive through the third mainland bridge and I see policemen under the scorching hot sun, no official vehicles close by, no shed from the unfriendly sun, nor properly allocated points and visibly uncared for. Yet these men are expected to fight crime, but how do you fight crime when you are treated with very little dignity?

You see some of them lying down on the pavements busy with their phones, reading newspapers or just staring hopelessly into space. Without a doubt, I know that the Nigerian Police Force is one of the worst in the world. They work in one of the most dangerous countries of the world where the bad guys are better equipped still they are poorly remunerated, inadequately trained but expected to perform wonders and not take bribes.

The rate of unemployment is alarming, I see young boys in traffic hawking all sorts of items and I wonder how they are able to make ends meet by selling one hundred naira story books, how many families buy story books from street hawkers? Some sell dog chains, dog chains in Nigeria? Only foreigners/expatriates and a few Nigerian dog lovers would buy a dog chain and in the stores not in traffic, the weirdest are the stickers, very boring and predictable car stickers. Most of these hawkers are homeless by the way!

I have seen old men in their seventies hawk in traffic, they sell caps and those stickers and other light items. In the markets you watch old women who should be resting while they call on potential customers to come and buy their wares.

There is no rest for the common man in Nigeria, they work till they drop dead, whatever happened to senior citizens? It is a crime to be old and poor in Nigeria because absolutely no one will look after you if you do not have good children.

I had to wait at the rail crossing for the train to pass some days ago and the people on top of the train were more than those sitting inside, how do you let people live like animals? Where are the law enforcement agencies when you need them?

Those in charge do not see what they need to see, right before the evil LASTMA officials, those unscrupulous, unreasonable, mean and stress inducing bus drivers make the wrong turns and stops and go scot free. They have nothing to offer and so not good candidates for an arrest. 

These government agencies, FRSC inclusive would happily arrest an innocent citizen (like me) who makes a genuine mistake and then impose their incredulous fines on me. While you are being taken from one office to the other, another victim who knows someone who knows someone hands the phone over to the agency boss and immediately his keys are handed over to him and he does not pay a dime. What a country we live in. George Orwell must have had Nigeria in mind when he wrote his book Animal Farm.

Most traffic situations in Lagos and other parts of the country are caused by bad roads, I do a lot of long road trips whenever I find myself outside Nigeria. I get nervous when we don’t slow down after a while and I find myself matching invisible brakes. My psyche has been messed up I must say, the absence of potholes on those roads gets me nervous. One other good thing is that I do not have to take Imodium to block my ass on my trips. 

I also do a lot of road trips back home and I know what it takes, the day before you become a nutritionist and avoid certain types of food especially fruits and some of your local delicacies like abacha, ugba, agonyi beans etc. The reason is obvious; you may have to use a pit latrine that reeks of urine and poop together or opt for the bush and shine your eyes while at it for snakes, scorpions or any other unfriendly element. The mordern toilets you find in petrol stations on the highway hardly have water. In a nutshell, to be a road traveller in Nigeria you must know how to suck in poop and hold your bladder. 

Every new Inspector-General of Police says check points have been banned but get on the roads and see how many of them are on the roads extorting money from innocent citizens.

Another issue that bothers me is the way human beings co-habit with rats, it can never be normal. Lagos rats are aggressive and struggle to go into your home before you. I witnessed one fighting with a gateman the other day while my children and I stared in horror safely from the car. I mean every word of what I just said, the rat kept charging at the young man who got scared at some point. He wasn’t sure if it was a rat or another animal that looked like a rat.

Watching a good movie or TV programme is never fun when you have a dysfunctional power sector, I lose concentration while praying for the light not to go off, so instead of listening and following the events of what’s showing on TV, I’m muttering prayers and seventy percent of the time, I am never disappointed.

Some under aged children are beggars on our roads; while their mates are in school, they beg.  Do the governors  themselves not know of or see this atrocity? What is the work of the social welfare officers?

Young girls are raped every day, and they just have to deal with it, young boys are also abused but it doesn’t mean much, do we still wonder why some prefer to die out in the waters. Anywhere but here! has become several people’s motto. They have been failed by a country that they were born into for no fault of theirs.

People are relocating thousands to any country but here. I hope we get it right some day!