Marriage is not an Achievement

Photo credit: cheezburger.com

In the past, the greatest ambition of most ladies was to settle down with a man in marriage and start a family, these days; the ladies are quick to tell you that marriage is not an achievement which is a debatable fact though.

What many ladies who go into a marriage partnership fail to do is prepare themselves physically, emotionally and most importantly mentally for this special institution, the men usually only prepare themselves financially and leave out the other important attributes.

Lack of adequate preparations before marriage makes couples experience all sorts of challenges as they journey on together as husband and wife. I have heard all sorts of stories that make me question the different approaches to matrimony.

My Christian faith teaches me abstinence from sex before marriage but then it is on record that a lot marital issues are sex related topped only by problems from family members. Some of the problems that come up leave you wondering if the two adults knew anything about each other before delving into this lifelong institution called marriage. 

The Realist School of Thought believes that the taste of the pudding is in the eating while the Kingdom School of Thought prohibits individuals from engaging in any kind of intimacy before marriage. I guess this is where the popular Nigerian adage emanates from; “Marriage is like a parcel, when you open it, you have to accept whatever you find inside”. But these days, people reject the parcels even after they open it. lol Do we go on to say that the reasoning of the second school of thought is more acceptable?

Moving on, one may ask if a sex related problem should destroy a marriage. In most cases it does and people are bolder these days to admit it.

A particular man is fed up with the wife because of what she wears to sleep; he says that she looks like she is going to war dressed in a pair of night trousers, a top and a scarf. Sometimes she wears socks and he has been tempted in the past to put his boots on her feet when she dozes off to ensure that she is in full regalia. Lol. For this reason, he wants out of the union. This may sound dumb or even funny to some people but to this man it is a serious matter, he says his wife has made herself so unappealing to him.  The way she goes to bed is a big turn off for him and he has now lost interest in being intimate with her. In defence, the wife says she gets turned on when hubby helps her take off her many clothing in the middle of the night. He doesn’t want to do it any more sister, he says he’s older and should be subjected to less work in there! (Those with much younger wives take note!)

A lady says her husband prefers to masturbate than to sleep with her. When they do get to it, he has to complete the act through masturbation. Hmm.. She feels inadequate and is looking to find a man who will restore her self confidence.

The truth is that no couple can boast of getting it right a hundred percent in the sacred room; there is almost something always missing. 

I once told someone who shared her crisis that we had same issues and she found it hard to believe. According to her, I always appear to have it all figured out, really? Your problems are as big as you allow them.

Lucy and Obi (not real names) are presently not speaking to each other and Lucy says she is so ready to move on. What I do not understand is why Lucy waited all these years (over five years) to come to the realisation that cunninglingus is important to her. Obi says the tongue is for speaking and not a sexual organ. (Obi you are a learner) The most he can do is kiss with the tongue and then there is this thing about what will he tell his fellow chiefs if they find out that he is eating his wife’s vjayjay like food. hahaha! Lucy’s main grouse is that Obi enjoys it when she blows his pipe but has vehemently refused to reciprocate the good act. But why after five years? I really hope it’s not what I am thinking.

Oja (not real name) suffered heartbreak, the lady he dated for five years and did everything for left him for another man. He decided to marry the next girl he met without getting intimate with her. It was Solu’s (not real name)prayer answered, she has an extra large Vee that swallows the whole Dee; she never dated a guy more than six months. One person was brave enough to tell her and she had been lonely since then till she met Oja. Now Oja is upset not because of the wide lane but Solu’s refusal to get medical help. She is scared that any procedure may interfere with her fertility; she wants it done after having her babies. How do I break it to her that the babies will not come anytime soon if she does not take care of very important business?

Indi (not real name) waited till after her wedding to experience that bliss, she did not need a soothsayer to tell her that hubby had a carrot instead of a big cassava. The only thing she wants now is to have a taste of the cassava or even a cucumber. Me: please don’t go there, you may get hooked. Your carrot is all that matters, just own it and love it; all the cucumbers, cassavas and even yams out there are nothing but counterfeits. 

A young wife’s asked if the missionary style is the only style acceptable in marriage as a Christian. I have responded but she does not believe me. Please do not worry about my response, if you have a better please share it.

In all, let all be guided by their spiritual values when they engage in sexual act, do not let such a beautiful thing send you to hell!