It's not a Taboo

Photo credit: Mudita Mom

When parents say that they love all their children equally I laugh because I know that they are trying so hard to believe their own lies.

I grew up in a large family where mother acted like she loved all her children equally.

As hard as she tried to treat every child the same way, I recall that my older siblings talked about how she sometimes treated one child better than the other.

Father did not hide his feeling, it looked like he loved one a lot more than the rest but for an obvious reason; academic excellence which was important to him. He never 

Everyone learned to live with it, the process was clear, if you wanted that status you knew what to do. 

Being the first son after three girls earned Ifeanyi the sole right to be the most loved and favoured. I heard that he was so pampered that when mother unleashed on him he would imagine that the pampering times were in preparation for the behavioural resetting beatings.

A male child is very important to the Igbos; the first male child (okpara/opara/okpala) is almost like a demi-god and his position as the child with the most rights is not negotiable. Most parents fall victims of the first son syndrome and spoil the child rotten.

The Ada (first daughter) is equally very important in a typical Igbo home and I hear its the same in most Nigerian tribes. 

I remember when father called a meeting just to ask us to give Ebere her due respect as the first child and daughter. The Ada may not be the most loved but definitely the most revered.

My little brother was like the icing on the cake, three years younger than me, he came and took a share of love from everyone's portion. Not only was he the ninth child, he was a boy! After a ratio of six girls to two boys, having another boy was a prayer answered.

Like big brother would say he was used to clean out mother's belly and so just like the bottom pot is usually the best part of the food, Odera was the best of the lot. The most beautiful baby we'd ever seen and "baby" became his name till he asked by himself not to be called "baby"anymore.

I look at my five boys and I cannot boldly say that I love all of them the same way but definitely love each one in a unique way.

I thought Nnaemeka was the most loved as a baby till I had my fifth. A friend actually called me out to say that I worshipped my new baby.

A particular son notices my new hair style, plays pranks on me and wants to know how I feel. My love for him is on a different level. 

I have a son who just melts my heart when he smiles. He has such a great smile. Hubby actually said to me that this particular son (name withheld) makes him love him more than our other children.  I can't mention this child's name so his brothers won't do to him what Joseph's brothers did to him. Lol.

When I asked him why, he said exactly what I knew he'd say. This child is gentle, helpful, kind, easy going, very understanding and then that smile, oh!

I have another child who remains calm even if the roof is on fire. No matter how upset anyone gets, he goes about his business in the most gentle manner. The most he says is "Sorry" with a smile and then he moves on .

My five year old Kaoranu makes me fall in love a million times over. He says the most unexpected things and chooses his words carefully. He is genuinely funny and makes me laugh out loud all the time. He is terribly honest; sometimes when we are together he says "mummy I'm sorry" up to ten times with an explanation that he farted. He doesn't wait to be asked. Lol

When I sit and analyse my boys I find it hard to say that I love them equally. What sounds right to me is to say that I love each child in a special way. 

I love them differently and also treat them equally. I'm a bit partial when it comes to the youngest though. Whenever the older boys confront me with this truth, I tell them that I treated them exactly the same way but I know that I'm lying through my teeth.

Some say they love all their children equally but differently. The important thing is to love each child unconditionally.

In my opinion you can only treat your children equally, deep down you know there's a child that you have a softer spot for maybe for a particular reason. 

Most times it may be because that child is not as independent as or more independent than the others. The child may also be the one who sticks closest to you. Whatever be the case, it's not a taboo!