Worship Centre

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The weekend is here already and I have a question, who is that insignificant other that you are planning to spend this weekend with? This question is for the singles and the married yet singles especially the guys who are still very vibrant and think that celibacy is a curse.

In one week I heard two scary stories of the “strange woman” and I knew I had to write about this occurrence. I will skip the first story because I do not have permission yet but re-tell the second.

So this man on a certain day was driving on the expressway in the capital city of Abuja when the much dreaded call of nature came upon him. I know what it means to have a running stool; it makes you sweat and even the dirtiest toilet appears to be a “five star” as long as it is available for you to do the needful.

This was the fate of this gentleman on that fateful day, he was returning from a trip and it was still quite a distance to get home, he knew that gambling it would be disastrous because his last attempt at farting did not go well; he knew that it was more than just a fart. He would have to wash his underpants himself that night, he was very certain that he had soiled himself and no one should know about it.

Without thinking he marched his brakes by the side of the road, jumped off his vehicle and ran straight into the bush. He barely dropped his trousers before he began to pass stool very freely, it was such a great relief and he was so oblivious of his environment and the fact that he could be attacked by a dangerous reptile.

When he was a bit relieved he started to wonder how he would wipe his ass, wash off the mess he made on himself and the fact that he was in a dangerous zone; while he was deep in thought the much dreaded happened and just in front of him he saw it, a very long snake crawling slowly but luckily in the opposite direction.

He was immediately frozen in fear and was not sure how to react; the snake appeared not to have noticed him and was headed to the express road. He stayed put and as quietly as possible, very careful not to make any noise that would attract the snake’s attention especially when he saw that it looked like a python.

He was happy that the snake was crawling to the busy express road; there was no way it would not be crushed to death by a vehicle in motion. The poor man kept his gaze on the dangerous reptile; he needed to know when to take off and to avoid the same direction the snake had taken. He would just pull up his trousers and run for dear life, the clean up would come later.

What happened next changed this man’s life forever; the snake got to the major road, took an upright position and transformed into a beautiful clothed lady. The shock of what had happened made him dumb for a moment and he stared until a sports utility vehicle (SUV) with an official plate number stopped and made a reverse to pick up the snake lady.

He got his voice back then and started screaming but the lady elegantly got into the vehicle which sped of immediately. The man ran to his own vehicle, got inside and went after them screaming all the way even though he was all alone in his vehicle.

He could still see the SUV way ahead of him and he knew that there would be traffic ahead at which point he would catch up with the about to be victim. Then something else happened, a few kilometres to the traffic area, just as he was slowing down all his four tyres burst at once. At that point he realised that he was actually chasing after the devil himself.

Ever since that incident, this man goes about speaking to men about the dangers of picking girls randomly.

  

Personally, I wonder what may have become of the obviously top dignitary that picked up the snake girl; is he alive? Is he normal? The worst for me is that he was possibly a married man who would have had sex with his legal wife after he must have had sex with a snake.

Some may argue that maybe the man who picked up the strange lady may have just offered genuine assistance and dropped her off at her last destination but the truth remains that the lady was on a mission and however way we look at it, destroying a human being who in this case may be a man was part of her mission.

Is sex over-rated or as important as some people make it to be? I belong to the school of thought that says that sex is everything. It is healing, therapeutic, satisfying, sweet and delicious, a happy place, worship center, settlement ground and even more. The only problem is that some abuse this perfect gift from Almighty God to everyone without discrimination.

Finally, for those who still engage in indiscriminate sex, just as we run background checks on domestic staff and other employees, please run a check before you jump into bed with a strange man or woman as the case may be. Don’t be a victim of the operations of the underworld. Do not say that you were not warned!

In Chigurl’s voice, “ngwanu bye”