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| Photo credit: tori.ng |
Just to say that I read all the comments both private and public and I'm happy to say that people are either encouraged to be better or to change totally.
Some thought I was being personal which isn't true because I do not have a reason to be. The good thing is that the message has been passed and those who need to learn z thing of two have.
Here's another one from pinkchelli
“I AM NOT ALLOWED TO WOO A MAN”
This is it: my inability to walk up to a person I admire and say hello, I would like to know you. I would like to dine with you sometime. And if not these words, anything else I would feel like saying. In fact, It is really not as a result of my inability but my predictable unwillingness to do so.
Instead, I would swallow lumps of fear and desire. I would smile, flip my hair and pray in my heart for the gentleman to find me appealing enough.
In truth, a gentleman will not not have to feel guilty about walking up to me; he is simply expressing his feelings. He will not have to ponder on whether or not he would appear desperate in doing so; he will not have to worry about whether it would be proper for him to reveal his admiration. In fact, he would know that it is proper.
But if I make that first move, he, his friends and everyone else would wear expressions of surprise and whether or not they would be impressed, that element of surprise on their faces would be enough to discourage me and to make me feel uncomfortable because I would quickly realize that I am doing something I have not been raised and taught to do, something that the society I grew up in would not exactly appraise, something that will depict me as a certain kind of woman ( a disapproving one at that).
Also something that would eventually make him feel uncomfortable if we were to end up together, because in a matter of time, he would be asked by an acquaintance or relative to state exactly how we met and he would want to lie.
He would want to say that it was he who walked up to me and that it was he who toasted me. He would tell this lie so confidently and unapologetically because he would reason that in doing so, he would be protecting his manly ego and most importantly, saving me from shame.
Having all these in mind, I do not walk up to a man and express my feelings. Actually, it feels as though it is his masculinity that shrinks my confidence and glues me to my seat so that he would be the one to find me. I wish I could find the courage to make the first move first but when I truly think of it, I realize that I would rather do that in a non- patriarchal world.
Me: I'm old school and wouldn't approach a guy first in my single days. I'll however give all the green lights possible for the guy to make the first move but will never pretend not to have been head over heels.
Me: I'm old school and wouldn't approach a guy first in my single days. I'll however give all the green lights possible for the guy to make the first move but will never pretend not to have been head over heels.
As you said, we are in male dominated culture and when you do otherwise, you are out of the norms is our society. But with the jet age, things are changing. Our girls are more vocal now and most can't hide their feelings anymore, unlike our days, when you are thought that ladies are seen not heard. The most important thing in initial relationship is the attraction, once it is divinely ordained, one way or the other, something must set the ball rolling.
ReplyDeletePersonally i would not and never support a woman being the one to woo a man. A lot of men these days would take advantage of the fact that the lady made the first move, even tho the man doesn't fancy the woman, he would just relax back probably to enjoy the sex and other benefits that comes with it. He might even be blunt when they have a misunderstanding and say "After all you asked me out"... A woman should never let that happen, she should allow the man make the first move and not otherwise. Nice write up.
ReplyDeleteReality check. Times have changed and so have our values. A man who feels a woman is less of a woman because she has made the "first move" is not worthy of her attention. Clearly such a man is intimidated by her confidence. Today, there is an alarming number of single ladies beliving God for a life partner, I don't belive they should be be living God and waiting for the man to make the first move. No. Though making a move on a man requires a great deal of prayer and wisdom.If a woman can craftily get pregnant and "hook" a man how different is that from a first move?
ReplyDeleteI will try to woo a man soon, and i hope i come back to share my experience after that. Let me start looking out for the perfect man to woo. Will be back
ReplyDeleteTrust me, it’s a game some women have learnt to play but will not part with their secrets to you. A lot of women are dating happily by being the one to woo a man..
ReplyDeleteJust be subtle and cunning. Don’t be blatant or rash or too direct. Drop the honey and see if your target is interested in it or even notices. Isn’t it called “Green Light”? If you know, you know.. 😂
ReplyDeleteOur culture does not give room for women to make such move. But mind you that most times women though informally woo men by their moves. The one call notice me by force. This upcoming generation I tell will be bold to do that because they do not care about our so called culture.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I once told a guy that he's great and he was so surprised and asked where I came from and I said Cameroon and he said no wonder. He said here in Nigeria women don't toast men. And I said so what. He said big mistake...years later he told me that he's been looking for me... funny Nigerian culture
ReplyDeleteAll these culture thing self. If you like someone, go sit around the person, strike a conversation that would interest him or listen to their discussion and align with his points strongly and intelligently he sure will ask for your contact if not, invite him for a party he will show up. Try and be friends first everything is about wisdom and confidence.
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