Crown of Marriage

Photo credit: graffe.com

"The worst pain is getting hurt by the one you explained your pain to". This was the quote on Khloe Kardashian’s social media page this morning following rumours that her partner with whom she has a child cheated on her.

Ever since a video was leaked which showed Tristan Thompson Khloe's partner sneak into a hotel room with two ladies, all hell had been let loose on the internet like he committed an abomination.

Following this news, I ran a quick a survey and five out of six Nigerian ladies said they would forgive their spouses if they cheated, only one said it would depend on the circumstances. This is how we are cooked in Nigeria, we do not run away for the side chic. At all!

Cheating in marriage is terrible and must be condemned but that is not to say that if it does happen, one should not get over it and move on. Personally I will not leave my husband just because he cheated on me and I am not asking anyone to agree with me. You can either leave or stay quietly, no dramas please. It is shameful already.

This must also be particularly painful for Khloe especially because it was also discovered that he cheated with Khloe's younger sister Kyllie's best friend Jordin. This type of cheating is too painful though but....

I will only leave my marriage if my life is at risk; if my husband’s cheating becomes uncontrollable and I am at the risk of being infected with a sexually transmitted disease, then and only then will I consider leaving. I may even decide to stay in the marriage and remove any form of intimacy from the union if I still find any use for him.

If my husband starts to disrespect me by cheating openly and rubbing it on my face, then I will leave him, if the other lady becomes obsessed and I feel for any reason that my life is in danger, I will leave. If it becomes obvious that he no longer feels anything for me, I will surely end the union.

I can stay with a spouse who has cheated a couple of times but I will not stay with one who tells me either by his actions or words that he does not love me anymore. I can stand respectful cheating but not emotional abuse.

Tragically most of us in Nigeria were raised to tolerate cheating husbands but the men were not raised to tolerate cheating wives. A typical mother would say to you did I leave my own husband? Go back to your husband’s house and if the man in question is wealthy, forget it your family will practically carry you back to your his house. The milk has to keep flowing.

I wonder why these celebrities put their relationships out there for all to see yet they are not able to withstand a challenge as ordinary as cheating.  They should learn from Victoria Beckham; that chic must have been a Nigerian in her former life. She acted like she was oblivious of all the noise around her footballer husband but we all knew that she was dealing with him behind closed doors. Many years later, they still look very happy to me, but isn't that what the bible preaches? Forgiveness and perseverance. 

That was one woman who said to herself, “my marriage must survive the bad omen of a celebrity marriage” and she was equally blessed with a man who was remorseful and willing to change his ways. At least we haven't heard or seen anything ever since.

I sometimes believe that the reason women hurt so much when their husbands cheat is not necessarily because of love, it is more of anger and jealousy and wickedness and true love does not have any of those ingredients.

Life is too short to put too much energy into any negativity especially infidelity, I always advise ladies to keep praying for their husbands, first that they do not get hooked on a strange woman’s ‘ololo’,(call me for the pronunciation) second, that they do not contact any disease and finally, that their husbands get to know God in spirit and in truth.

Jumping from one man to another does not guarantee happiness, there is no guarantee that the next will be better; a young lady once told me that she will never tolerate such from her husband. On the day that I was called into a matter that both of them could not resolve I was not in the least surprised that it was a case of infidelity and guess who was on her knees begging to let bygone be bygone? My young friend. 

Her husband was furious that she went through his mobile phone and insisted that she would have to leave his house for at least one month till she learns how to be a good wife.

I was ashamed for the boastful young lady for as much as I can tolerate infidelity, the tables will never turn on me to look like the villain. No way! then will I fight with everything in me including my teeth.

Men, know God and please learn to zip up! Women, learn to love you first before him and like a Nigerian proverb says when translated, wives should wear the crown of marriage behind the head so that when it falls off, no one notices but the one who was wearing it.