Your Rough Years

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Recently, I raised an issue in a gathering of women which caused such an uproar that I almost regretted asking the question.

It is a common perception that most successful women at one point had to compromise with their bodies.

I have been told a few times by some friends both male and female that I'm capable of having more than I do have already if I'm willing to play ball.

I've heard my  fellow ladies say to me "Amaka you are such a weist" in chigurl's voice. Lol! 

After I raised that sensitive issue in that gathering, someone went on to advise me to beware of the people I talk to. This advice was welcomed with echoes of 'that's right', 'exactly' and even an applause.

I became a victim and I found myself having to explain like Shaggy that it wasn't me🤷🏾‍♀

Everyone appeared to be upset and all I could see was self righteousness. I could only see women who were fortunate enough to have had any kind of support even if it was just a moral one.

Some women come from comfortable backgrounds and so were able at some point to raise capital albeit how little for a start up.

Some had people who encouraged them, who prayed with them, put in a word or two for them and even cheered them on to success.

One lady however decided to be realistic. She acknowledged that there are indeed women who had to compromise at some point and even still compromise to be where they are today.

As those who preached to me did, I thought of the women who had to do it all by themselves. Those who had to rise through extreme poverty and were raised in the world where it was normal to use what they had to get what they wanted in life.

Some women have had to do the unthinkable to survive, many started to care for their little ones as soon as they could lift a tray.

I have come across women who out of frustration and desperation given their bodies to men. They gave their bodies just so they could eat, go to school, send their younger ones to school, get medical assistance, get a job and even for a place to put their heads.

No one empathises with such women. Some have seen the extremely negative side of life where they are left with very few options.

How about those women who just love power and wealth and would do anything and everything stay at the top?

There are women who just want more and love the hold that they have on powerful and wealthy men when they sleep with them.

We cannot pretend that every successful woman is a saintly warrior and straight forward. There's no denying that some women compromise every day. These things happen among us and the fact that some of us choose to look the other way does not mean that it does not happen.

While some of the ladies expressed their disdain over such act by women, I imagined that there could even be two or more of such women right there in the same conference hall and possibly frowning at my question as well. 

I was so sure that there were women in that room thinking of how to end that sort of life and who would have wanted to speak to other women but were discouraged by the passionate and almost vicious ways the 'righteous ones'  condemned the unfortunate fact.  

Kudos to the ladies who have slowly worked their ways though the ranks. Kudos to those sweating it out. And to those who had to do it differently, do not dwell in the past; look forward with your head held up high.

He doesn't judge you.  He is not interested in your past besides nobody knows what you were up to in your rough years and God doesn't gossip!