I'm more Blessed

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Dear Lilea's Blog, 

I was raised as a good Christian girl. My family did not just go to church on Sundays but every other day during the week.

My parents were the type that loved and respected men of God. They believed that being close to and taking care of men of made them receive more blessings.

As a teenager I started to work in the church at my spare time. I offered my services in any way possible and this I did with all my heart till a young man of God was posted to our church.

I noticed that I increased my work hours in the church. I spent more time in the church and became close to this man of God.

He was full of wisdom and each time I spent with him was filled with so much knowledge. I learnt a lot from him and my spiritual life got better.

He taught me a lot and encouraged me to work more for God.

Over the years, our friendship grew and I would pick him up for lunch or dinner sometimes.

We grew very fond of each other and talked about everything. I confided in him and he in me.

My life was very easy and everything good came to me very quickly. I excelled in my studies and the small business I started as a student grew so much that my mother had to get involved.

I knew that my friendship with Joseph (not real name) the young man of God brought me a lot of favours.

I rewarded him in return and never let him lack in any way. He was a man of God and I knew that giving to him definitely made me succeed in everything.

When I turned twenty-five I had known him for seven years and on a certain day while he visited me at home, we got intimate and I willingly gave to him my most cherished possession.

It was the first time for both of us, Joseph was thirty-four years old. I was home alone on that day. Afterwards, we prayed and asked God for mercy. 

As a good Christian girl, I should have been filled with guilt but that didn't happen. Instead I felt fulfilled and wanted him all the more.

It was such a beautiful experience and far from how horrible I'd thought my first time would be.

After that day we found more opportunities to be intimate. I noticed that I excelled all the more.  He shared his blessings with me from the depth of his soul. 

After then everything I did worked out. I suddenly started to get a lot of attention from men which was never the case.

We love each other so much but I'd rather not marry him because I already denied when my mother asked if there was anything going on between us. 

Now I'm engaged to a man and will be married in a few months. My worry is that I may not be able to end my relationship with Joseph even when after I'm married. 

His anointing flows into me and I'm more blessed because of my intimacy with him.

My subconscious mind tells me what I'm doing is wrong but I feel very good about it. Do I need help?

Me: My dear you really need help. It's wrong and sinful and almost feels like madness. Put an end to it as soon as possible. The repercussion will be heavy in front.