The Machine Gun

Photo credit: wikipedia

The things I see these days almost make me believe that men are hard to come by. I see beautiful women settle for men that look like they are from Mars and still tolerate all sorts of bad behavior from such men.

I talked about women who marry for money yesterday which to me is more understandable than women who marry just be addressed as a Mrs. Some women even marry for sake of the giant anaconda and such women are quick to ask what marriage is without a real joy stick.

I have seen women suffer abuses from men and when you ask if they want to die, they ask you where they would rather go. One even asked me if I would keep her warm in the night. Story for another day.

This particular lady popularly known as madam exudes so much confidence that anyone who sees her would think that someone is beating the drums for her behind the scene.

Many women held her in high esteem even though she was unusually quick to raise her voice in altercation with anyone and the first thing she says is “Do you know who I am?” not many actually knew who she was and so were all careful around her. The only known fact was that she owned a big super market in the neighbourhood and usually doled out cash to those who approached her for help even though loudly.

No one ever saw her husband but knew that the very tall young boy who always drove her was her son. Her personal life was a mystery till a couple of members of her organization coincidentally attended an occasion in another part of town and guess who chaired the occasion? Madam Do you know who I am and her husband. It was an anniversary party of madam’s town union and some members of her organization were invited by a mutual friend.

They walked in just as madam and her husband were being invited to the high table and before she noticed them, they saw her and the mystery husband.

Some of those women had erroneously thought that madam’s hubby was a military man because of the way she once threatened to lock up a family that she had a brush with but on that day the man they saw looked just like a handyman. It looked like almighty madam made it compulsory for him to be in a suit; the suit was over-sized and a bit rumpled and he donned a bowler hat to complement his look. In simple terms, he looked ridiculous.

As soon as madam saw her members, she became uncomfortable but they moved to her table to go and say hello and she never for once tried to introduce them to her better half; she kept trying to dismiss them until one of them asked if that was hubby so they could greet him. Madam nodded and continued to speak as if he wasn’t there. It was out in the open that madam bought herself a house husband.

Throughout the occasion, madam did not let her husband handle the microphone as the chairman of the day. Even when he tried to speak, she found a way of stopping him, when it was time to hit the dance floor, madam’s husband danced in the funniest way ever. It did not help that he was drunk, the women from madam’s meeting couldn’t help themselves anymore; they threw decorum and respect out of the window and laughed their hearts out. Their reason for laughing was obvious and so madam literally pulled her husband off the dance floor and out of the hall.

At the last meeting they had, the same set of women burst out laughing as soon as madam walked in; she is the chair-lady but unlike other days she was unusually quiet until another lady who was at the same gathering challenged her decision on an issue.

The argument quickly degenerated to a hot exchange of words and trust women, this lady started talking about madam’s husband and how haggard he looked which was why madam kept him away from the public eye.

Madam’s response was epic and totally unexpected, “my husband is equal to ten men in bed, he has a machine gun that your weak and empty husband cannot boast of. I will marry him ten times before I look at your dead man walking husband”.

That was how the fight started as the other woman insisted that madam would tell her how she knew that her husband had a baby anaconda.

A piece of advice to ladies who quickly resort to insulting other people, please be ready to accept a little dose of your own medicine. No one has the monopoly of rudeness. However, is it right to say that madam married her man because themachine gun?