A Royal Rumble

Being a parent is easily the toughest job in the world and it never ends. I know for a fact that it continues because of the way Ferdinand and Beatrice would call each time they heard of any unrest to be sure that their children in that particular location were doing okay.

It never mattered to them that we were all adults living with our own children and spouses. We were more worried about them but they never failed to tell us that they had lived their lives and no longer mattered.

I remember telling Beatrice a long time ago when I was in junior secondary school that I wanted to die before her so I wouldn’t have to live with the grief and gap her death would bring me. She said “God forbid!” and I am relieved that God did not answer my stupid prayer.

As a mother now, I fully understand how she must have felt; I remember that her tenant, Mrs. Emordi was with her on that day and the look on her face was a mixture of disbelief and dislike for me. Maybe she saw the fear in my voice as I uttered that rubbish; she was a teacher and I am sure she saw through my fake wish. It was important to me to let Beatrice know that I loved her that much.

Beatrice and Ferdinand raised twelve children intentionally because Ferdinand wanted a large family to make up for the small family that had him as an only surviving child for as long as I knew him, having lost all his siblings at birth and his only brother at a later age. 

As a parent raising five sons, I often wonder how Ferdinand and Beatrice coped with so many children. Our home was filled with so much love, drama, laughter and a lot of fights especially with a majority of us being ladies. If we were not dancing or acting a drama, we were fighting and we also had factions, lol! We argued and fought a lot of times yet we were and still so close; one thing we did and still do unconsciously is to make up after each quarrel like it never happened. We hardly ever needed anyone to settle our differences and anyone who tried failed anyway; we still settle differences our own way and at our own time.

Raising us was not a walk in the park. For a long time, we were nine before the three youngest were birthed. We occupied two flats in Umunogo Street Achara Lay-Out Enugu and when the boys started getting older, Beatrice made another flat for them in the two-storey building where we lived. We were “umu landlord” which was a privilege in those days for the children of the house owners were considered lucky to have wealthy parents. Sometimes, this was true and other times, most of those landlords lived on past glory.

Mother and Father lived in one flat which was separated from our own flat by a dinning area and so we were never alone unless they retired for the night and locked their connecting door after making sure that all the major doors were securely locked. 

When Ferdinand moved to Lokpanta, Beatrice had to carry on knowing that her husband was just an hour’s drive away. She would take a culprit straight to Lokpanta whenever it was too much for her to handle but I must say that she exhibited a lot of wisdom in parenting us.

I remember fighting a lot with little brother Odera, he was a spoilt brat and always in my space; I beat him at every little chance I got till I found out he was no longer a boy and had to stop after he had me on the floor in our last fight. The special slaps I gave to him in my years as the reigning champion made up for the humiliation, I felt the day he showed me that he had become a man. After that fight which was orchestrated by Ifeanyi, no matter how hard he poked me, I found other ways of resolution that were better than the “getting physical” route; my mouth became my strength and I also did a lot of reporting. Big brother KC was an angel and never terrorized me like Ody; he was more interested in my girlfriends. Lol! 

Another set of fighters were big brother Ifeanyi and big sister Nkiru, you would think that this sort of relationship would be between Ifeanyi and Ezioma who was directly after him but it does not always play out that way. Ifeanyi and Nkiru were the biggest kids in the family with Ifeanyi being over 6ft tall while Nkiru was 5ft.11in. Maybe they felt they were built to fight and so never failed to exercise their muscles at any given opportunity. Memories of the various fight would keep us rolling on the floor each time we reminisced on them because they always ended in a funny manner.

One particular night, the biggest and final fight between the two title holders took place and as usual it was chaotic, I cannot say for sure what made them fight those times but I remember that the fights just broke out with a few spoken words. That night Beatrice had gone to bed and all of a sudden, we started to hear some noise at the dinning area, we rushed out to meet them pushing themselves around. 

These were two big people and the siblings at home at that time including little me could do nothing to stop them no matter how hard we tried. I remember that the things were falling off the table; the bread bin, mother’s hot water flask and the food basket. The table shifted and when Ifeanyi threw Nkiru to the shelf where mother kept her glassware, I knew that the handshake had extended to the elbow. That shelf did not recover from that infamous impact. In my young mind,my brother wanted to finally manhandle my sister to show her who was boss.

It was at that point that Beatrice came out from her side but they paid her no mind while they continued to push each other around, Beatrice also ignored them. She walked past them into the kitchen and we the spectators were not sure what she wanted to do since she did not do what she normally would do. She had no cane and wasn’t flogging anyone, hmm…

She came out of the kitchen holding two sharp knives and walked into the fighters, separated them and placing the two sharp knives on the dinning table, she told them that they should use the weapons instead. 

As she walked back to her room, she turned and said that she would take the dead child to the mortuary in the morning. We saw the face of a frustrated mother and need I say that the fight ended like someone pressed stop on a remote control.

We all retired to our rooms immediately and that marked the end of royal rumbles in the Eke’s household. 

Dealing with my teenage children, it is a different kind of upbringing and so there are never fights but I had to apply my mother’s strong will in a recent development. Why do sons have to be begged to come to prayers? I will never understand why. When my boys make me upset, I start to wish I had a daughter to be closer to. 

Dealing with boys need a special recognition certificate. By the way, after tolerating some annoying behaviours for a while I decided to take their phones which have been their main companions during this lockdown. 

I was a bit skeptical about the decision but when I remembered that Beatrice applied a really dangerous method in combatting conflict at home, I knew I was still scratching the surface and therefore was encouraged to do what I needed to do paying no attention to their emotions. It's day two of no phone and I think they have survived the jouncing period.

Parenting is definitely no child’s play and needs a lot of emotional strength to overcome the emotional blackmail from our children.

I seized their phones but I am the one who feels bad, talk about the punisher being the punished.