His other Side

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The beast in him came out on that day and I began to wonder if I knew who I had married. Dating days are usually different from married days; men and women especially men tend to show the other characters that they tactfully kept away from the woman before marriage. Some people may not agree with me but I am convinced that men pretend more than women during courtship; they act like you can do no wrong in their eyes and they would never say no to any request, things are so rosy, beautiful and smooth and that is precisely how we, the women get carried away, say I do, and suddenly begin to ask ourselves if we looked well before leaping.

A few years into our marriage, Vic showed me that other side, it started like a casual argument and I was so sure that he would give up arguing with me as usual; he always let me win arguments because he loved to see me happy and satisfied. Besides, Vic was a man of very few words or so I thought. I was in my element, talking and making my points and being very carefree, I realized that the argument had lasted longer than usual and in my mind was hoping that it would end although I wouldn’t be the one to end it. How could I let him win? and so even when the conversation took a new dimension, I continued defying the words of Romans 12: 18, “If possible on your part, live at peace with everyone”. 

Peace wasn’t an option at that time, he had let me win too long and this shouldn’t be different. That was the first time I would see my husband angry at me, it was new and I wanted to see how far it would go. I am not exactly sure what the argument was all about but it became all exciting and I couldn’t wait to see how it would end and if Vic would apologize afterward and the topping on the icing would definitely be the make-up show. It was after midnight and the kids were asleep, Vic was self-employed and I was a stay-at-home mum at that time, we both had time on our hands and didn’t care that we should be sleeping. While I fought, I still had time to think and I was amazed that in the four years that preceded our marriage I never saw that side of Vic that I was seeing that night and it shocked me beyond words only that I kept talking.

I suddenly blurted something like, “say that to your sister” and I couldn’t even think of why I said that. I guess I was tired of arguing and needed to just say something to end it all. I remember Vic walking up to my face and into my personal space, if I had a chance, I could have run but he left me no room for an escape and I had to bravely face him knowing in my mind that if he laid a finger on me, I was going to be either a divorcee or a widow.

I gently moved back and sat on my side of the bed while he screamed like he was seriously losing it and telling me not to ever, ever again in my life mention his sister or any member of his family. I just went dumb, I did not utter any word for it would have been foolish of me to push him any further. That night Vic set his limits in our conversations and I set mine; no mention of parents, siblings, or comparing ourselves to others.

I lay down quietly in the dark thinking of what had just happened and I couldn’t wait to tell mother about that first experience. I was still deep in my thoughts when someone crawled up on me under the duvet and began to do to me things that I hate to like. We talked through our differences that night while at it and, and also made promises to each other that we struggle to keep twenty-one years after.

I will share the second and last time of this shocking behavior