Badosky

Photo credit: names look 

It hurts me that I am not able to write these days as much as I would love to but I am consoled by what a friend told me back in Law school twenty years ago that every challenge has an expiry date. Yes, you heard twenty years, recently I pulled out my certificates and I saw that on the 1st of July 2023, I clocked twenty whole years at the Nigerian bar, how time flies. The other day I was a very young lady with very few cares; be an excellent wife to my husband, the best mother to my babies, and live my life to the fullest and right in the eyes of God.

These days, many things are competing with my time and twenty-four hours feel like twenty-four minutes. Living apart from Vic was never in the cards for me when I said: "I do" twenty- two years ago but as Whitney Houston said in her song, "Life never tells us the whens or whys." Life just happens and this life is happening to me right now albeit unplanned. Each day, I count down to the day when it will be over. 

Some marriages may not survive a separation, it takes a lot of commitment, understanding, and a high level of spirituality to get through this type of situation. Trust me, it is not for the faint-hearted. It is even worse when the person you are doing life with is not just your spouse but your good friend, gist partner, movie partner, adviser, and much more, most events just remind you of special moments spent.

Anytime I watch a good movie, I miss Vic, when I cook some meals, I miss him and when I have to run some tough errands, I wish he was with me because he would handle them better.

Some people say that I am an open book, and I like to let them believe what they want. Don't we all have that part of us that no one ever knows, those things reserved for just us and the One who made us? Ferdinand made it clear to me before I got married, that a married couple has no business living apart. 

When I am not busy being gloomy, I find time for some laughter and pranks. I played one on Vic recently and I got the result I wanted. 

Recently, I spilled the beans on Vic and I knew he wouldn't be happy that I said exactly what he never wanted me to repeat to anyone. It wasn't that serious of information and so I had no problem telling this particular business to family. I had to tell him myself so he wouldn't find out by himself and I had the perfect plan.

Early that morning, I called Vic and I started by telling him that I had done something terrible and asked him to promise that he would forgive me. He quickly said that he already forgave me for whatever it was that I did. I asked him to promise not to get upset and Vic kept saying, "No problem baby, just go ahead, I have forgiven you, whatever it may be that you have done" (by the way, I told him to stop calling me baby, I need a new love name, suggestions are welcome).

I said okay, and told him that I shared the information that I was not meant to share. After a short pause, he laughed out heartily and gave a long hiss then asked if that was it. We went on to talk about the issue and how best to handle it. He then made fun of my big mouth and how I would get him into trouble.

We went on to discuss many other things and had a long productive conversation. Before we got off that call, Vic opened up to me and said that he almost had a cardiac arrest and warned me seriously against starting any conversations that way again. He said that he had imagined the worst and we all know what that worst is. 

He said that all sorts of thoughts came to his mind and somehow he hoped that I had not become too westernized to say what I was about to say. I laughed so hard and was happy that my tactic worked. (as a badosky, lol!) 

That day Vic learned that there are more serious issues than spilling the beans. I also learned that I was even smarter than I thought, haha!

See why I keep saying that living apart is not the best arrangement for a married couple if both parties are not mature. There could be suspicions of infidelity because you are not even there and miscommunications just because some conversations are better in person. It becomes overwhelming sometimes and it is because things are not the way they should be, after all, two heads are better than one. 

It also requires a lot of attention to one's mental health, because being separated could lead to anxiety, and even a mental or an emotional breakdown.

To pull through, one needs the God factor which Vic and I have. This experience has had an unexpected effect on us, it has made us appreciate each other more, miss us more, love us more, make up faster after a fight and pray even more and when we finally get together, we will make that baby girl if menopause doesn't get in the way. Hehe!

Life may not be perfect right now but please stay positive, do not give up, just because you are still here! 

Happy New Week people, 

August will be amazing!